You sound fat: THE THREAD

[Ari]

Jake, what you have in your hands there is what they call a Nerdious Style Burrito.

[Shit Dickface]

God, I just had a "YOU SOUND FAT" moment. I decided to make the most of my last day before going back on the diet wagon by going to Chipotle.

I got a burrito with:
3 scoops chicken
2 scoops fajita veg
black beans
rice
salsa verde

When they were all done, the finished product looked like both of my fists wrapped in a tortilla. Now, mind you, I'd barely eaten anything all day (a bagel and eggs for breakfast and a can of smoked salmon for a mid-morning snack) so I was famished and didn't want to work out later with nothing in my stomach, but the students behind me were making "holy shit, etc" comments that I could hear over my mp3 player. So I just ignored that and continued on, and sure enough a guy came up to me asking "What all did you just get on that?"

I took my burrito and waddled out the door before the tears could hit the tear ducts. Then I got back to the office and ate the fuck out of that burrito. I'll show them.

[Captain Russ]

It's glandular.

[Ed Hocken]

I'm assuming someone will write Gluttony in grease.

But in India of all places? A place of crippling poverty? Someone is getting obese, in India? Get the fuck out of here.

[Abraham Smashington]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/pict...-to-death.html

[Ed Hocken]

Hey wait a second. I posted that video in the funny video threads.

But still, the man gave himself a heart attack due to screaming.

[Ari]

That guy is fat.

[Abraham Smashington]

redonkulous

[Nathan]

Stuff like that is why I avoid water parks.

[Ingrid]

will there be a pocket on the side for their wee little oxygen tank?

[Abraham Smashington]

OMG. That's a million dollar idea!

[Shit Dickface]

I'm honestly waiting for the day that we see toddler-sized Rascal scooters.

[Ingrid]

And I guarantee that if the stroller broke while the kid was in it, the parents would try to sue Graco instead of admitting that they are lazy pieces of shit and bad parents

[Abraham Smashington]

[Howard]

Hey, blame my parents. I didn't choose what genes I would get (but I sure as hell am taking avantage of them).