ISSA GOTDAMN WEEKEEEEEND THREAD

[Matt]

The wife hit me with a shocker today: she wants to see JOHN WICK. God I love her.

We have a gaming day tomorrow (Saturday) at my workplace, so I think I'll try and take her to see the movie afterwards.

Other than that, no plans. It's supposed to be gorgeous outside, so I think I'm going to push for a day at the lake on Sunday. It'll probably be our last one before the weather really turns.

[B_Metal]

John Wick looks fun.

[Anderson]

JOHN WICK WAS BADASS.

If Reeves spent the rest of his life making these movies, I'd be cool as shit with it.

[B_Metal]

JOHN WICK WAS BADASS.

If Reeves spent the rest of his life making these movies, I'd be cool as shit with it.

My wife got a lady boner reading this. She's prolly gonna rape me in the theater.

[BillyG]

I have done nothing today and it has been amazing. Typically my Fridays off for the last like six months have been me working out at my dad's property. Well I needed extra hands today and it turned out the whole family went to Fredricksburg and didn't tell me until I called to see when I was going to meet them at the property.

So I went to the gym, took a shower, grabbed a bag of tacos, and I've played GTAV for like 9 hours today. My phone has been basically silent. The dogs are napping. This is pretty nice.

[Martin]

Zen Billy. Zen.

[BillyG]

Well, my PS4 battery died. My biggest complaint about PS4 is the controller battery being total shit. Now to find something else to do with my evening.

[B_Metal]

Well, my PS4 battery died. My biggest complaint about PS4 is the controller battery being total shit. Now to find something else to do with my evening.

Put that ish on standby and charge it every so often.

[BillyG]

I charge it every single day!

[Nathan]

ForumRunner_20150228_155713.jpg

[BillyG]

Going to Doomsday Wrestling tonight. It's a comedy troupe that puts on a fake wrestling show every few months. The ring is this tiny 8x8 joke. For reference, a WWE ring is 20x20. One match is The Hot Flash vs Russian Bear. The poster bills it as "Menopause versus Communism." I expect great things.

[B_Metal]

I charge it every single day!

Maybe you charge it to much, you gotta let the battery run out almost all the way before charging or those things lose a bit of charge over time IIRC.

[ATTACH]339[/ATTACH]

LIFEHAXX

Going to Doomsday Wrestling tonight. It's a comedy troupe that puts on a fake wrestling show every few months. The ring is this tiny 8x8 joke. For reference, a WWE ring is 20x20. One match is The Hot Flash vs Russian Bear. The poster bills it as "Menopause versus Communism." I expect great things.

I hate my fucking job right now.

[BillyG]

I had the most ridiculous Saturday night.

So my best friend Ashley and I had been planning her boyfriend's, Todd, birthday for the last few weeks. We knew that a trip to James Coney Island for hot dogs was required. And also a trip to The Men's Club, a super high price fancy strip club. So we told him only that we would be getting hot dogs, but after that it was all surprise. He was to wear a nice shirt and tie. We also invited Cody and Jenn, Todd's very good friends that make all the bad decisions. For some background, Cody is 37 and Jenn is 25. They met in a hotel bar in Philadelphia and after being invited up to Cody's room for a bottle of scotch realized they were both from Houston and married a year later. So.

I also had a date with a woman named Maggie. This was only our second date. She said "I need this life experience, and to see this clusterfuck myself." So off we go.

As we are pulling into the JCI parking lot, all of us dressed up for a fancy dress code having titty bar Todd still doesn't believe we are going to eat hot dogs. Well, we are. So we chow down on all the hot dogs and tater tots and onion rings and Frito pies. We head to the strip club about 8:30, and it's right down the street.

As we are pulling in Todd just goes red and starts laughing. The first strip song we hear is fucking Dragula by Rob Zombie. We are officially in a strip club. Ashley had been to many strip clubs, but neither Maggie or Jenn ever had. They are fascinated. Critiquing their disrobing techniques, the strength on the pole, etc etc. Cody and Jenn end up dropping probably $50 or so as a couple going up to the stage and paying for tiny dances. Around midnight we decide it's time to relocate to a place that isn't charging $7 for Shiner or the weakest alcohol pours ever. So off to Ashley's we go, where there's tons of booze to choose from including the fresh handle of Woodford Rye I brought along for the occasion.

Ashley Maggie and I go to leave so we can stop at a grocery store for a few mixers, and Todd will go with Cody and Jenn so each car has someone that can open the security gate at the apartment. We get a text at the store "We will be a bit late, Cody and Jenn are in the champagne room." They apparently bought three dances. Well then, the strip club has officially become "a thing" for this happy couple.

We arrive back at Ashley's, have pizza delivered, my roommate gets off work and joins us and we are pouring all the bourbon in the fucking world. Think some gin too. Around 2:30 Cody decides he wants to know what it's like wearing a bra and takes his wife's bra and tries it on. He kind of likes it. She says she "accepts him." It's all so sweet. Then Cody while on the patio, decides he wants to also whip his dick out and show it to the squad. So here is a 37 year old former Navy helicopter pilot with a bra on, shirt off, about to whip his dick out for like 8 people. And they say the military doesn't like people of different walks of life.

Todd eventually is about to die and he goes to sleep about 5. But then somehow Maggie was talked into letting Cody try her bra on. This one fits him slightly better, but he likes it far more. He pounds on Ashley's door so Todd will come let him know how his bra fits. Todd then opens the door, nothing but a pillow covering his dick, and proceeds to tell Cody how pretty he is. I am on the floor dying. Apparently Ashley jumped up and covered herself, and from Jenn's perspective she could see her and said "Oh I saw Ashley's tits! They're so wonderful!"

Back up: Earlier in the night all the girls has been feeling each others tits and comparing notes. So tits were on the mind. Duh.

So we allow Todd and Ashley to continue their bone session. Cody, Jenn, Maggie, my roommate and myself are all that is left. My roommate excuses himself as "I have work in 12 hours." I later found out he said because he "felt it getting weird." How weird? Well, after he left Cody and Jenn decided Jenn was going to get naked for us, and then let us know how great her tits were. They really were quite nice, to be fair. She also hated how dry her legs wear and I offered some lotion (Ashley works for Aveda, there's just product all over the house). She proceeded to slip off her panties, rub the lotion all over her legs and thighs while staring right at Maggie and I. They then start asking "how many articles of clothing" we each have on. They convince Maggie to get off her shoes and belt, but nothing else before we realize they totally want to have a foursome right now. Cody slips off to the bathroom after a lot of very obvious angling to like hey let's all just do some fucking in this living room conversation (he also had tons of singles stuffed in the bra he was wearing). Maggie and I take residence in the guest bedroom and Jenn hits the couch and was out in about six seconds, before we got into the hallway.

This was about 6:30. Then at some point in Maggie and I tending our business I blacked out. I remember doing a thing, and then being somewhere else...but no idea how I got from A to B. I admitted this to her on the car ride home and she said she lost the exact same time. So hey, my first drunken black out at 34! We woke up at 11 to Ashley delivering the best bagels, coffee, OJ, all the fixings. Just wonderful.

So yes, best second date ever.

[Anderson]

I had the most ridiculous Saturday night.

So my best friend Ashley and I had been planning her boyfriend's, Todd, birthday for the last few weeks. We knew that a trip to James Coney Island for hot dogs was required. And also a trip to The Men's Club, a super high price fancy strip club. So we told him only that we would be getting hot dogs, but after that it was all surprise. He was to wear a nice shirt and tie. We also invited Cody and Jenn, Todd's very good friends that make all the bad decisions. For some background, Cody is 37 and Jenn is 25. They met in a hotel bar in Philadelphia and after being invited up to Cody's room for a bottle of scotch realized they were both from Houston and married a year later. So.

I also had a date with a woman named Maggie. This was only our second date. She said "I need this life experience, and to see this clusterfuck myself." So off we go.

As we are pulling into the JCI parking lot, all of us dressed up for a fancy dress code having titty bar Todd still doesn't believe we are going to eat hot dogs. Well, we are. So we chow down on all the hot dogs and tater tots and onion rings and Frito pies. We head to the strip club about 8:30, and it's right down the street.

As we are pulling in Todd just goes red and starts laughing. The first strip song we hear is fucking Dragula by Rob Zombie. We are officially in a strip club. Ashley had been to many strip clubs, but neither Maggie or Jenn ever had. They are fascinated. Critiquing their disrobing techniques, the strength on the pole, etc etc. Cody and Jenn end up dropping probably $50 or so as a couple going up to the stage and paying for tiny dances. Around midnight we decide it's time to relocate to a place that isn't charging $7 for Shiner or the weakest alcohol pours ever. So off to Ashley's we go, where there's tons of booze to choose from including the fresh handle of Woodford Rye I brought along for the occasion.

Ashley Maggie and I go to leave so we can stop at a grocery store for a few mixers, and Todd will go with Cody and Jenn so each car has someone that can open the security gate at the apartment. We get a text at the store "We will be a bit late, Cody and Jenn are in the champagne room." They apparently bought three dances. Well then, the strip club has officially become "a thing" for this happy couple.

We arrive back at Ashley's, have pizza delivered, my roommate gets off work and joins us and we are pouring all the bourbon in the fucking world. Think some gin too. Around 2:30 Cody decides he wants to know what it's like wearing a bra and takes his wife's bra and tries it on. He kind of likes it. She says she "accepts him." It's all so sweet. Then Cody while on the patio, decides he wants to also whip his dick out and show it to the squad. So here is a 37 year old former Navy helicopter pilot with a bra on, shirt off, about to whip his dick out for like 8 people. And they say the military doesn't like people of different walks of life.

Todd eventually is about to die and he goes to sleep about 5. But then somehow Maggie was talked into letting Cody try her bra on. This one fits him slightly better, but he likes it far more. He pounds on Ashley's door so Todd will come let him know how his bra fits. Todd then opens the door, nothing but a pillow covering his dick, and proceeds to tell Cody how pretty he is. I am on the floor dying. Apparently Ashley jumped up and covered herself, and from Jenn's perspective she could see her and said "Oh I saw Ashley's tits! They're so wonderful!"

Back up: Earlier in the night all the girls has been feeling each others tits and comparing notes. So tits were on the mind. Duh.

So we allow Todd and Ashley to continue their bone session. Cody, Jenn, Maggie, my roommate and myself are all that is left. My roommate excuses himself as "I have work in 12 hours." I later found out he said because he "felt it getting weird." How weird? Well, after he left Cody and Jenn decided Jenn was going to get naked for us, and then let us know how great her tits were. They really were quite nice, to be fair. She also hated how dry her legs wear and I offered some lotion (Ashley works for Aveda, there's just product all over the house). She proceeded to slip off her panties, rub the lotion all over her legs and thighs while staring right at Maggie and I. They then start asking "how many articles of clothing" we each have on. They convince Maggie to get off her shoes and belt, but nothing else before we realize they totally want to have a foursome right now. Cody slips off to the bathroom after a lot of very obvious angling to like hey let's all just do some fucking in this living room conversation (he also had tons of singles stuffed in the bra he was wearing). Maggie and I take residence in the guest bedroom and Jenn hits the couch and was out in about six seconds, before we got into the hallway.

This was about 6:30. Then at some point in Maggie and I tending our business I blacked out. I remember doing a thing, and then being somewhere else...but no idea how I got from A to B. I admitted this to her on the car ride home and she said she lost the exact same time. So hey, my first drunken black out at 34! We woke up at 11 to Ashley delivering the best bagels, coffee, OJ, all the fixings. Just wonderful.

So yes, best second date ever.

Pics of the girls involved or I draw my own conclusions.

[B_Metal]

Billy lost time......that's code for he took one in the pooper right?