Texas: WAY COOLER THAN MINNESOTA AND OHIO

[BillyG]

Oh and more good news from Texas! Rick "I wanna be your prez" Perry and his band of we-wont-raise-taxes-because-we-aint-pinkos-even-though-we-are-running-a-severe-deficit bunch are cutting hundreds of millions of dollars in Houston alone for important things like hospital, public school, and college aid funding. Cy-Fair ISD, the 3rd biggest district in Texas and biggest in Houston that all the precious lil snowflake parents move to, their president came out today and said that because of the Republicans ignorant refusal raise taxes just a tiiiiny part of a percentage point they are losing $80-100mil this year alone in things like...oh keeping the teachers employed.

[Captain Russ]

Our drivers should have put us in the top five alone.

But lump the Highland Park cuntery in with it, baby you gotta a socio-economic cesspool goin'.

[BillyG]

Kind of shocked that Dallas has taken this long. You would figure the big hair blonds and fake Beverly Hills crowd would have been top 3 since the 80s.

[Captain Russ]

We'll knock some of those assholes out of contention soon enough.

I'm just so proud we've finally cracked the top ten.

[BillyG]

Only 10? I AM DISAPPOINT. Urrrrrrrrrrrrrrything bigger in Tejas yeeeeeeeeehaw.

[Captain Russ]

It's going to be huge, but I wouldn't be caught anywhere near that fucking zoo.

Hotels from Fort Worth to Dallas will be jammed like Dachau.

[Ed Hocken]

Speaking of which, how's Dallas dealing with the upcoming Super Bowl?

[Captain Russ]

WE'RE NUMBER TEN! WE'RE NUMBER TEN!

THE REST OF THE LIST DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE THEY'RE OBVIOUS.

WE'RE NUMBER TEN! WE MADE IT!

[Ed Hocken]

[V]

"Here's to all you COCKSUCKERS everywhere!"

[Nathan]

Let's go get drunk.

[BillyG]

IGNORED IN AUSTIN BECAUSE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BUDLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT KEGGER

[Captain Russ]

BOUGHT IN DALLAS, HO

[BillyG]

St. Arnold's then. BREWED IN HOUSTON BITCH.

[Captain Russ]

This rivalry is dumb.

Let's go get drunk.