MASS EFFECT 3: The Mass Erectest

[Captain Russ]

Yeah, I saw the clip of the "failed mission" option.

I just don't care anymore. My headcanon version is what I choose to believe happened, because it at least makes logical fucking sense and doesn't send me cascading into seething contempt (is this what being a sports fan feels like?).

Oh boy, I'm getting worked up again. I blame my weak will in resisting DLC in all games previous and the time I stupidly invested in the ME world. Totally entitled crybabby reporting in.

[BillyG]

This doesn't fix how fucking retarded the original ending was. OMFG LOOK EVERYONE SOMEHOW GOT ONTO THE NORMANDY AND CRASHED ONTO EARTHWHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT so fuck this.

[Martin]

They show it. Hackett orders it, and while your crew boards, Harbringer stops shooting at the Normandy... go figure.

It's still fucking retarded. Now, the Mass Effect gates are just damaged.... (go figure). But you still have to choose 3 options that are so very wrong.

[BillyG]

Damaged? holy retcon batman

[Martin]

Yup. I think it's now even worse now than the original one.

[Captain Russ]

Soundtrack is still boss as fuck.

[Master Shake]

I like the extending endings. I like how the Starchild has been altered from 'neutral exposition machine' to 'deranged as fuck AI'. Especially when he told me "I don't want someone like you doing my job anyway" and I was all "fuck you kid I can do your job better".

Also, Control ending is superior, if only for the comedy implications of an immortal Reaper-Shepard.

"Garrus, you have a personal call on the comm."
"Yes, hello?"
"BWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMM!"
"Goddammit Shepard!"

Or maybe the Hanar look up at their moon one night and see "Big Stupid Jellyfish" etched into it with space lasers.

[Abraham Smashington]