BLUE BALLS, BAT NIPS, and WONDER TITS -SPOILERS

[Abraham Smashington]

coffee can bomb was wheels mcheyhey

[Fil]

So, I saw it.

Random thoughts:

I want to see the Wonder Woman movie.

I liked Iron's Alfred.

Non murdery Batfleck was great.

Murdery Batfleck angered me.

They wasted Henry Cavill. I don't want a mopey, rarely heroic, Superman.

The story was shit.

The montage hour was boring.

I still don't understand the reason for the fallout from Superman's trip to Africa.

Finally some detective Batman.

I didn't hate Lex as much as I thought I would.

Wasted Mercy Graves.

Looks like Bruce Wayne is roommates with Oscar Isaac in Ex Machina.

Billy's rant is on point.

That Wonder Woman smirk was PERFECT.

Suicide Squad can only be better, right?

[BillyG]

coffee can bomb was wheels mcheyhey

And it was never used. or even referenced.

[gravedigger]

Someone tell it to me straight

  Spoiler: orphans connect! 

does the Superman Batman fight really end because their moms have the same name, basically?

Also, why has it taken me 30 years to consciously realize their moms share the same name.

I'll probably take a couple hours off work this week to see it just to see the spectacle properly on the big screen.

[BillyG]

I still don't understand the reason for the fallout from Superman's trip to Africa.

Like...why did Lois even go? And why was the CIA there? And what did it matter that they had Lexcorp bullets? And why is Superman killing terrorists bad? And why was some random African villager testifying before congress...but not telling us what happened at all. "People died!" No shit. The Lexcorp mercenaries (WHY THE FUCK WERE THEY EVEN THERE) killed the regular warlord/terrorist dudes. Then Superman showed up, smashed that warlords face in and bounced. They weren't even in the middle of a village, it was some fucking desert compound. SO WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED THAT THERE WAS ANY FALLOUT OR ISSUE WITH SUPERMAN STOPPING SOME TERRORIST LEADER.

Holy fuck what a turd of a script.

[BillyG]

Someone tell it to me straight

  Spoiler: orphans connect! 

does the Superman Batman fight really end because their moms have the same name, basically?

Also, why has it taken me 30 years to consciously realize their moms share the same name.

I'll probably take a couple hours off work this week to see it just to see the spectacle properly on the big screen.

Yes. See my rant. It's the most ridiculous inane shit you ever heard of. If I could turn on a dime like that I'd be a rich and famous F1 racer fucking hot Euro models from Austin to Dubai nightly.

[Fil]

Someone tell it to me straight

  Spoiler: orphans connect! 

does the Superman Batman fight really end because their moms have the same name, basically?

Also, why has it taken me 30 years to consciously realize their moms share the same name.

I'll probably take a couple hours off work this week to see it just to see the spectacle properly on the big screen.

As Billy said, the answer is yes, Grave.

[Matt]

Um...I had the same rant, guys.

[Fil]

Like...why did Lois even go?

  Spoiler: Spoiler I guess, who cares really 

Maybe they had to make up for the damsels they lost by not being able to damsel Wonder Woman? Then give her Lex bullets to investigate that went nowhere.

I have no clue.

Um...I had the same rant, guys.

Heh, sorry Matt, you were on point as well.

[B_Metal]

Um...I had the same rant, guys.

But your credibility is nil with your hate of fun. Sorry Matt, tis truth.

[FilmNerdJamie]

An unmitigated disaster that betrays all the world-building and character dynamics established in Man of Steel (love, hate or indifferent to it, pick your poison) for an incoherent and half-assed attempt to beat Marvel at their own game. And all it cost them was everything in the long term. I can not fathom how this whole thing keeps going, let alone with Snyder still behind the helm.

There is no course-correction from this since it was made to be the course-correction from Man of Steel, and at least that ended on a blank slate. There is so much that has to be addressed and resolved that can't be swept under the rug.

As much as I was in favor of the Affleck casting and dug everything of his stuff building up to the release... I didn't buy he was a cynical 50 year old hardass who spent the last two decades secretly fighting the criminal underworld of Gotham. He gave it his all but it felt like a simple cast of miscasting for what they were going for.

And God damn was Gal Gadot bad. Had maybe... 14 lines (?) and that was stilted. Her whole purpose was to "look cool" in slow-mo Snyd-O-Vision with accompanying heavy metal soundtrack.

Way to make Superman a full-on dickhead now. I liked Cavill in the first film, and fuck it, I liked Man of Steel. But they absolutely 180ed him along with the characterizations of Perry Kent, which of his fathers was the cheerleader to save humanity, etc.

And Jimmy Olsen... Really, Snyder?

[Timothy225]

So, I should wait for this to hit cable then? Sounds like quite the clusterfuck.

[BillyG]

OK, I'm back. I didn't like it but I didn't hate it...there are a few good nuggets in there that entertained me, so I won't write it off completely.

First off, a warning: be caffeinated before you go into the film because the first hour or so is a complete slog.

  Spoiler: spoilers 

You get a bunch of disjointed scenes cobbled together without much rhyme or reason that try and establish a plot. There's no flow at all, just scenes that seem to last long enough to convey a plot point and then just end. There are moments here and there that are good (Batman's big nightmare dream sequence actually has a pretty good fight in it), but they are few and far between.

The second hour gets a tad more cohesive, thank God. This is also when the action really starts, and what's in there skews wildly from incoherent to really effective; the actual fight between Batman and Superman is actually pretty good except for two things:
- It's reliant on Batman placing a weapon exactly the right location for later use. Considering how the battle goes, I find it stupid that the culmination of the battle would occur within sight of this weapon. Whatever.
- The battle is resolved by the idiocy of Batman and Superman's mothers having the same name. Give me a fucking break. A switch goes off in Batman's heart and he decides to give the present back to all of the Whos in Whoville. It's a groaner.

Then, we have the main battle: an overly CGId slugfest between Doomsday, Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman. It's pretty shitty, in all honesty. Doomsday never feels like an actual entity...he looks fake and he moves like he doesn't have any real weight. He's poorly realized and you honestly don't care. The only bright spot of the final battle is Wonder Woman...she absolutely gets all of the cool hero moments of the final battle. The biggest response from my audience was when she cracked a 'I love this battle!' smile after skidding across the ground after a punch.

When all is said and done, you've got a drawn out funeral sequence ala 'Death of Superman' that doesn't feel earned at all. Batman and Wonder Woman do the requisite 'Avengers Initiative' thing and the movie ends.

What's good:
- Wonder Woman. Again, she's the only highlight of the final battle.
- Henry Cavill. I thought he was very good in this with what he had to work with.
- Alfred. More Jeremy Irons, please.

What's OK:
- Gal Gadot. Not the best actress. She's great in the physical stuff but merely passable in dialog scenes.
- Ben Affleck. Not getting the love here. He's generally good but he also does some pretty shit acting in spots.
- Batman. Again, not getting the love. He's good, but I prefer Keaton or Bale over him.

What's bad:
- Superman. Cavill does fine work but Superman himself is a blah. Really nothing there. You can tell that all of the meat of his story and character hit the cutting room floor.
- Lex Luthor. Terribly realized villain
- Jesse Eisenberg. I officially hate him after this movie. I wanted to punch him the entire film.
- The plot. It needed a lot more thought.
- The pacing. It's a snoozefest for the most part.
- The special effects. They're decent up until the final act when Doomsday gets involved. After that, they flat out suck.

The weird thing is that my audience liked it. Many clapped at the end, and I heard several people claim it was awesome during the post-film walkout. This will be polarizing for sure.

I think it's super interesting that we came to the same conclusion, but for so many opposite reasons.

[Abraham Smashington]

I still dug it. But it felt like it was CUT TO SHIT and out of order actually.

[Abraham Smashington]

I am real curious to see this extended cut (I don't care if it's R or whatever) because this honestly felt like they cut out 30-35 mins of story shit and reworked shit.