What Emmanuelle Movie Did You Just Watch?

[Abraham Smashington]

The Rundown was far better than it should have been.

[Captain Russ]

The only way to watch Southland is as an "eighth grade treatise on pimps and metaphysics" camp vehicle, though the Johnson has wasted his own potential lately by choosing some truly inexcusably awful drivel.

I hope he gets back to what he started out doing quite well: being a charismatic action hero. Will Smiff has had that bullshit title before, so why not give it to someone much more suited to the jerb?

[Shit Dickface]

I'm firmly pro-Dwayne Johnson, but goddamn he needs to fire his agent.

[Ed Hocken]

I still think Richard Kelly should have been slapped in the face for stating that one HAD to read the graphic novels to understand Southland Tales.

Bull-shit on that

[Captain Russ]

Well...you should slap yourself in the face for thinking you couldn't figure it out by yourself, and all without his Little Orphan Annie decoder ring.

It's message is abundantly clear: Richard Kelly wants you to drink more Ovaltine.

[Ed Hocken]

I don't need Richard Kelly to tell me to drink my Ovaltine. I'll drink my goddamn Ovaltine on my own time.

[Captain Russ]

There ya go.

Also, I didn't mean it as some sort of affront to you personally Ed, just that people place way too much significance on the plot or dialogue in that film to see that it really is about nothing.

[Bobby Bear]

Well, it was ok. But I already knew the premise. So the first act was largely given the 'Cliff notes' treatment by the trailer.

Great use of Bell Bottom Blues and a decent James Marsden performance aside, the rest just did not work for me at all. It was the very definition of 'meh', and this is from someone who does not apologise one iota for loving Donnie Darko. I'm really pulling for Richard Kelly, cos he's a talented guy and his ability to frame a shot and create a tense sequence is unquestionable....

I can't believe that, after the monumental failure of Southland Tales, being let loose with such a dynamite premise and the toys and cast required to make it work, he delivered something so banal and artificial.

I see how it felt that way to you (the waiter and water issues I particularly identified with) but none of that stuff was a massive problem for me. Although I never became fully immersed in or loved any aspects of the film - the atmosphere mentioned above came closest - I was quite happy to let it unfold before me. That's more than I can say for Southland. I had to turn that off after about twenty minutes max, before it really started to wind me up.

A day or so later, though, and I'm wondering how much of The Box's creepy atmosphere I mentioned yesterday was my love for the film's premise trying to make me enjoy the flick more.

Well that and I don't believe in the idea that if you start a movie YOU HAVE to finish it. Even though I have nothing going on, my time is still too precious to waste time on boring and or/infuriating garbage.

I feel exactly the same.

[Bobby Bear]

The Ten.

Really pleasantly surprised. I was expecting this to be one of those films you watch even though you know on some level it's not gonna be nearly as good as it looks. It ended up being, fittingly enough, a Role Models level comedy. In fact, I actually prefer it to that movie. After all, what other flick boasts Winona Ryder loving a dummy, a sitcom about a guy getting stuck in the ground indefinitely, Oliver Platt's awesome Arnie impersonation, and a look on the politics of being a prisoner's "bitch."

"...without your consent, of course."
"That's what makes it rape."

[Nathan]

The Karate Kid. It really is a good movie.

[Captain Russ]

The Ten.

Really pleasantly surprised. I was expecting this to be one of those films you watch even though you know on some level it's not gonna be nearly as good as it looks. It ended up being, fittingly enough, a Role Models level comedy. In fact, I actually prefer it to that movie. After all, what other flick boasts Winona Ryder loving a dummy, a sitcom about a guy getting stuck in the ground indefinitely, Oliver Platt's awesome Arnie impersonation, and a look on the politics of being a prisoner's "bitch."

"...without your consent, of course."
"That's what makes it rape."

It is pretty good. And the dueling CAT-Scan neighbors are great. Especially as the segment ends on a Bonnie Raitt song.

But it is all dwarfed by Wain's previous effort, Wet Hot American Summer.

[Martin]

Hey guys. How's The Goods? (with Piven and a great cast?)

Should I bother?

And Orphan?

[Captain Russ]

Never gave The Goods a shot, but Orphan is delightful trash.

[Ed Hocken]

Goods is some weak stuff, it's a rental at best. It's not cinematic abortion, but it's not that good. There is the occasional funny moment.

[Shit Dickface]

Orphan's way better than it has any right to be. Pretty fun and fucked up.

Also, SPLICE tonight, motherfuckers!