Post your kickass recipes here!

[Ed Hocken]

No just fucking HATE SPIRAL HAMS.

Those are like the Honeybaked hams, right? Those things are fuckin' delicious.

Godammit, I'd make Vin's coffee ham recipe right now.

[BillyG]

Goddamn Honeybaked Hams droooooooooooooooooool

I think I'm going to go by there next week and grab lunch. Got one right by my office.

[Martin]

Fried Rice, in 3 variations.

First off, the main and foremost ingredient is rice. Cooked, and cold rice. That means either leftover or cooked earlier in the day, but it has to be cold. It's not open to negociation. Do otherwise and I'll stab you in the fucking face with a baby I just impaled with a halberd, you disgraceful fuck. And use a wok. A real wok. If it has a teflon coating, it aint one. Use a large pan instead, you barbaric excuse of an abortion.

I tend to use a 2 cup of uncooked rice. Cook it as instructed on the bag. I prefer either jasmin or basmati rice (I know it's indian, but I love that fucking rice), but any long-grain will also do the work. And wild rice? Fuck that shit,;it ain't rice at all, it's grass you pussy. Really.

Now here's a list of ingredients. Nothing here is OFFICIAL, fried rice is the way of the leftovers, like omelettes or pastas. Sometimes I use a lot of veggies, sometimes not, and the same goes for meats. I can do a kickass thai fried rice WITHOUT the basil, or this or that meat. THe sauces are what gives them their regional flairs. Feel free to try and Xperiment.

Common ingredients to all 3 recipes

- 3 to 4 cups of cooked rice, broken with your fingers to make sure there's no lumps.
- 3 eggs, beaten(1/2 an egg per portion, or more if you like)
- Peanut, vegetable or canola oil (no, no olive oil, you fruit)
- 1 to 2 cup of vegetables, chopped to bite-sized pieces
- 1 cup of cooked meat, chopped to bite-sized pieces
- Sambal Olek, or Sriracha, or an other asian hot sauce, or chilies, but really, buy one of those 2. Sambal is a coarser version of sriracha, less garlicky, more potent. If not, use dried chili flakes.
- soy sauce Light soy sauce is your common Kikkoman sauce. Dark soy sauce is exactly that. More fermented, sweeter, it's used to give color to sauces. Dark Sweet soy sauce and Kecap Manis are close cousins, sweetier heavier sauces. Kecap is the name who gave birth to Ketchup, altought it doesn't taste ad look the same at all. I prefer to have One of those 2 and skip the dark soy sauce. In that case, I reduce the amount of sugar by half if the recipe calls for it.
- sugar
- white pepper

So, here we go....

Chinese Fried Rice

-2 Tbps of Vegetable oil
-1 or 2 cups of chicken or pork, cooked
-1 onion chopped to bite-sized pieces ,
-2 bell peppers of different color chopped to bite-sized pieces
-2 baby bok choy, or choy sum,
-1/2 cup of fresh or frozen peas
-2 to 3 Tbsp of dark soy sauce
-1 or 2 Tbsp of light soy sauce
-1 tsp of Sesame oil
-3 eggs, beaten
- 1 or 2 scallions, chopped

- Heat the wok at full heat (really). Add the oil, and when hot as fuck but not burning, add the onions and peppers. Cook for a few seconds, 30 at most.
- Add the greens if you have some, and the cooked meat.
- Add the rice, make sure there's no lumps. Cook it for a minute at most.
- Create a well in the middle, and add the eggs. Mix it until your eggs are scrambled, and mix the whole thing.
- Add the 2 soy sauces
- Continue cooked until very fucking fagrant (you'll know).
- Remove from heat, add the scallion and the sesame oil.
- Serve and nom nom nom.


Thai Basil Fried Rice

-2 Tbps of Vegetable oil
-5 to 6 cloves of garlic
-1 or 2 Tbsp of Sambal Olek, depending on how spicy you want it... or more...
-1 cups of chicken or pork, cooked
-1 onion chopped to bite-sized pieces
-2 bell peppers of different color chopped to bite-sized pieces
-1 cup of shrimps, shelled and cooked
-1 Tbsp of light soy sauce
-3 Tbsp of fish sauce
-2 Tbsp of sugar
-3 eggs, beaten
-1 bunch of Thai purple basil, leaves roughly chopped or shredded by hand (hint: it ain't the italian one. Just don't you sick fuck. It has purple flowers, and will be found in ANY asian grocery)
-1 tomato, chopped in 6 to 8 wedges
- limes


- Heat the wok at full heat (really). Add the oil, and when hot as fuck but not burning, add the sambal and garlic, along with the onions and peppers. Cook for a few seconds, 30 at most.
- Add the greens if you have some, and the cooked meat and shrimps.
- Add the rice, make sure there's no lumps. Cook it for a minute at most.
- Create a well in the middle, and add the eggs. Mix it until your eggs are scrambled, and mix the whole thing.
- Add the sauces and sugar
- Continue cooked until very fucking fagrant (you'll know).
- Add the basil and tomato.
- Serve with limes wedges that you squeeze before eating and then nom nom nom.

Nasi Goreng (Indonesian fried rice)

The real recipe involve using shrimp paste, but it's a bitch to store and use, so I usually substitute fish sauce and that's it. Hence not authentic, but what do you know, I have a life... But, if you guys want the recipe I'll post it...


-2 Tbps of Vegetable oil
-3 to 4 cloves of garlic
-1 or 2 Tbsp of Sambal Olek, depending on how spicy you want it... or more...
-1 cups of chicken or pork, cooked (optional)
-1 onion chopped to bite-sized pieces
-1 cup of shrimps, shelled and cooked (optional)
-2 to 3 Tbsp of Kecap Manis or dark sweet soy sauce
-1 Tbsp of light soy sauce
-3 Tbsp of fish sauce (or 1/2 tsp of toasted shrimp paste if you have some!!!)
-1 tsp of white pepper if you have some
-1 eggs per portion, each fried right before cooking the rice
- limes


- Heat the wok at full heat (really). Add the oil, and when hot as fuck but not burning, add the sambal and garlic, along with the onions. Cook for a few seconds, 30 at most.
- Add the greens if you have some, and the cooked meat and shrimps.
- Add the rice, make sure there's no lumps. Cook it for a minute at most.
- Add the sauces and sugar
- Continue cooked until very fucking fagrant (you'll know).
- Serve individually and top with a fried egg on top.
- Serve with limes wedges that you squeeze before eating and then nom nom nom.

[Martin]

Thai Fried Eggplant with Basil sauce

This recipe is done with chinese eggplants, thinner and more pink than the violet Mediterranean one you probably know. There's a huge difference.

3 Medium-sized Chinese eggplants, halved and chopped into 1/2" pieces
1 Large red bell pepper, sliced into thin strips
1 Large green bell pepper, sliced into thin strips
1 Onion, chopped into large pieces
3 Thai or serrano chiles, finely chopped, or 1 Tbsp of Sambal Olek
3 Tbsp chopped garlic
a generous handful of fresh Thai basil leaves, chopped eitehr finely or roughly
4 Tbsp oil, like canola or vegetable (put that fucking olive oil down you douche!)

Sauce:
2-3 Tbsp fish sauce
1 Tbsp light soy sauce
1-2 Tbsp brown or palm sugar
3/4 Cup warm water

2 tsp cornstarch mixed with 4 Tbsp of cold water

-Mix fish sauce, soy, water and brown sugar; set aside.

-Heat wok on medium-high heat. Add 2Tbsp oil, when hot add the eggplants. Fry for 2 minutes on either side, or until they begin to brown and turn soft. That's the most inportant part. Make sure the heat ain't too strong, and make sure the pieces are SOFT. Remove from wok.

-Add 1 Tbsp oil to wok. Add onions and peppers, and fry for 3-4 minutes, or until soft and glossy. Remove from wok.

-Heat remaining oil. Add garlic and chiles, and fry until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Add sliced pepers and onions; fry for 30 seconds, stirring constantly. Return eggplant to the wok, and toss to combine.

Add sauce to the wok, stirring for 1 minute. Toss in basil.

Add corn starch, cooking until the sauce becomes thick and coats the vegetables. Serve immediately over hot rice.

Thai Chicken with Basil sauce

Same thing, but with chicken

3 chicken breasts choppen into 1/2" pieces
1 Large red bell pepper, sliced into thin strips
1 Large green bell pepper, sliced into thin strips
1 Onion, chopped into large pieces
3 Thai or serrano chiles, finely chopped, or 1 Tbsp of Sambal Olek
3 Tbsp chopped garlic
a generous handful of fresh Thai basil leaves, chopped eitehr finely or roughly
4 Tbsp oil, like canola or vegetable (put that fucking olive oil down you douche!)

Sauce:

2-3 Tbsp fish sauce
1 Tbsp light soy sauce
1-2 Tbsp brown or palm sugar
3/4 Cup warm water

2 tsp cornstarch mixed with 4 Tbsp of cold water

-Mix fish sauce, soy, water and brown sugar; set aside.

-Heat wok on medium-high heat. Add 2Tbsp oil, when hot add the chicken. Cook for 2-3 minutes until cooked and then remove from wok.

-Add 1 Tbsp oil to wok. Add onions and peppers, and fry for 3-4 minutes, or until soft and glossy. Remove from wok.

-Heat remaining oil. Add garlic and chiles, and fry until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Add sliced pepers and onions; fry for 30 seconds, stirring constantly. Return the chicken to the wok, and toss to combine.

Add sauce to the wok, stirring for 1 minute. Toss in basil.

Add corn starch, cooking until the sauce becomes thick and coats the vegetables. Serve immediately over hot rice.

[Matt]

I LOVE THIS THREAD

[V]

Toss in Basil. You may find it difficult to ignore his screams... but do your best.

Fixed...

[Shit Dickface]

"KECAP" is making me laugh like an idiot. "WUD U LIEK A HODDOG WID SUM KECAP"

[IggytheBorg]

Now I'M laughing like an idiot.

[I_Cassini]

Get the grill going- its time for Kalbi!

Kalbi-Korean Short ribs

::Warning:: They are seriously addictive. Sweet, smokey, fatty, meaty pieces of crack.

The ribs- the cut is called flanken. They look like strips of bacon, but with 3 bones cut cross-wise.

These will need to marinate for at least a couple of hours.

Kalbi Marinade

1 cup brown sugar, packed
1 cup soy sauce
1/2 cup water
1/4 cup mirin (rice wine)
1 small onion, peeled and finely grated
1 small pear, peeled and finely grated
4 tablespoons minced garlic
2 tablespoons dark sesame oil
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
2 green onions, thinly sliced

Grill them lid off with medium heat. They cook pretty quickly.

[Abraham Smashington]

oh shit. Also, CASS!

[I_Cassini]

oh shit. Also, CASS!

Roberino!!

I have been missing your recipes. The pulled pork is in standard rotation.
hows you and the lesley unit?

[BillyG]

hows you and the lesley unit?

Rob hit on a cute banker and Lesley is going to cut off his weewee. HI CASS.

[I_Cassini]

Rob hit on a cute banker and Lesley is going to cut off his weewee. HI CASS.

So what you are saying is that everything is the same, right?

Billy! Hows you and Brittany? You still got the dog- cause the short ribs can be made with the dog if you need to get rid of it. It is Kalbi!

[BillyG]

We're working on things. We had quite the blow up chronicled in the relationshit thread. Ditto has actually been a lot better, but with the summer here she is shedding like mad and I want to fly into a rage every night when I am vacuuming the couch.

[Abraham Smashington]

Rob hit on a cute banker and Lesley is going to cut off his weewee. HI CASS.

haha, pretty much