Mad Mel

[Captain Russ]

Tim. Timmay.

Timimalimadingdong.

He has a beav on his fist.

Nothing said can sway me from my judgement that regardless of a by-the-numbers trailer that the beav will not be dam good.

I will go use this pun gun now on my mahself. Just as Mel intended, like in that Jesus snuff film where he gets fleshy speed holes installed.

[Ed Hocken]

The beaver talks in a British accent.

HOW THE HELL WAS THIS NOT MENTIONED BEFORE?

[Lisa]

Look, it's the holidays. If the beaver spent the whole movie in a santa hat, I could relent a little. Or if it was released now, at Hannukkah, and the beaver spent the whole movie in a yarmulke while Mel screamed anti-semetic rants at it, then maybe, maaaaaaybe. But you can't give me a straight on, "Beaver-Puppet and Crazy-Person Meet Cute/Jodie Foster Suddenly Likes Guys/Family Love Story" and expect me to bite. You just can't.

EDIT: And speaking of which, Jodie Fucking Foster should really know better than to do a second movie with this train wreck! What was she thinking? "Okay... he plays my crazy husband who can only communicate through a beaver puppet and it re-cements our family. Yeah, that should make up for 'Maverick'."

[B_Metal]

Yes, because Mel Gibson was all that was wrong with Maverick

[Captain Russ]

Maverick is, was, and will always be fucking awesome.

[Lisa]

You are INCORRECT, sir!