RUMOR CONTROL...THESE ARE THE FACTS

[Ed Hocken]

Well, I tired. I suspose the Chevy Chase as Siskel and Candy Ebert would be the comedy version directed by John Landis.

[FilmNerdJamie]

Fuck me. Kurtwood Smith as Siskel and John Candy as Ebert.

[Matt]

Richard Roeper is on an airplane, flying to Cannes

(inserts tape into his walkman)

VOICE: Good morning, Mr. Roeper. In your file you'll see a picture of the man that you are to kill and replace.

(Roeper opens up a file, removing a picture of Gene Siskel)

VOICE: As you know, we've introduced several carcinogens into his body via popcorn over the past few years. These carcinogens will be having a cumulative effect soon, but we need you to introduce the final enzyme to make them take full effect. Please open the container in your carryon package.

(Roeper opens it, pulls out a bottle of Rogaine)

VOICE: Replace his current bottle with this one. Once activated, the cancer should claim his life within a few years. In that time, position yourself to assume his role on the TV show. Don't worry about the fat one, we have plans for him later on.

(Roeper smiles, puts the Rogaine and the picture away).

VOICE: Good luck, Mr. Roeper. Oh, and should you be captured in the process of enacting these plans, the secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions.

(the tape dissolves)

[FilmNerdJamie]

Plenty of action scenes too. Like the knife fight between Ebert and the evil concession stand guy played by Billy Drago.

[FilmNerdJamie]

The Latest Bourne Legacy Contender: Chris Evans

[Matt]

I can see that, especially with all of the positive buzz that we're hearing about 'Captain America'.

[FilmNerdJamie]

Todd Phillips is trying to talk Charlie Sheen into cameoing in The Hangover Part II.

Assuming Sheen isn't dead by its May release date, maybe this could be funny. No, I didn't think so either.

[Matt]

The Sheen ship will have sailed by then. Hopefully.

[Ed Hocken]

Hangover Part II? That should have finished filming already.

[FilmNerdJamie]

Apparently they did. They'd just run in and shoot the cameo real quick.

[Ed Hocken]

And sully the Bill Clinton cameo? I won't stand for it!

[BillyG]

That should be avoided. When Sheen OD's in a couple months and dies it will make Hangover depressing. The Sheen craziness is amusing, but it's just as depressing and heartbreaking, speaking as someone that's had to watch his share of family addiction problems.

[FilmNerdJamie]

If they're gonna do a Slick Willy cameo, here's how they should do it. Not remotely realistic, but still.

The three guys wake up from their booze/drug-fueled bender and one of them (doesn't matter which - probably Galifianakis) remarks, "Oh. God. My mouth tastes like shit..."

The camera pans over to a bare ass next to his head and a quick cut-to reveals it's Clinton.

[Ed Hocken]

You know he'd do it.

[FilmNerdJamie]

Ironically. That cameo idea of mine would also be acceptable for Bush. Hell even Jimmy Carter.