RUMOR CONTROL...THESE ARE THE FACTS

[Matt]

Armond White eats Green Berets for breakfast?

[Ed Hocken]

Why the hell not? He also likes this car.....FOR THE PRICE!

And then runs over Gene Shalit.

[FilmNerdJamie]

Played by Divine in the Shalit cameo.

[Ed Hocken]

Quick, someone get working on what he says while he's dying.

[FilmNerdJamie]

And, of course, we'll have the sequel setup.

Jeffery Lyons lies in a pool of his own blood and leans towards li'l Ben before dying - "Avenge me!"

[Matt]

as long as Michael Medved dies right away. Violently.

[Ed Hocken]

Michael Medved played by Harry Shearer as G. Gordon Liddy.

[FilmNerdJamie]

SOMEONE standing next to MICHAEL MEDVED.

SOMEONE: What do you think, Michael?

MEDVED opens his mouth--

[Timothy225]

Quick, someone get working on what he says while he's dying.

"And... and... that's the Critic's C-Corner for today. Ugh."

Meanwhile, across town and hiding in a tree near the Chicago Tribune, Michael Medved (played by Charlie Sheen with a fake mustache) trains a sniper rifle on a clueless Gene Siskel as he sits in his office, typing what may very well be his final review.

ETA: Man, you fuckers are quick!

[FilmNerdJamie]

Brilliance. Sheer fuckin' brilliance in this room all around.

[Ed Hocken]

"I want your Press badge and notepad on my desk!"

[V]

Brilliance. Sheer fuckin' brilliance in this room all around.

BDR: Welcome to the party, pal!

[FilmNerdJamie]

"We have proof he's head of a criminal syndicate of studio-approved critics!"
"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT! BOTH OF YOU ARE OUT OF HERE!!"

[Ed Hocken]

With Dan O'Herlighy as the benevolent publisher.

BTW, I just realized the man who have been perfect for Ebert:



John Candy

[FilmNerdJamie]

Already sold on Simmons as Siskel and Coltrane as Ebert even if its the mid 80s.