Transformers 3

[FilmNerdJamie]

A sad state for Paramount that they're having to lean so heavily on G.I. Joe 2 now that they've lost Avengers and Star Trek 2 ain't hitting next June.

[Bobby Bear]

I don't think I've ever agreed with a review as much as I do with Devin's for this. Say what you will about the guy (and he's rubbed me up the wrong way once or twice) but he knows what he's talking about. Like me, he's a fan of dumb fun when it's done right, but this is so far from that it isn't even funny.

It's a glorified SFX reel with appalling filmic storytelling jiggling around it. As a showcase for 3D and pretty pictures, it works very well. Some action set-pieces are marvelous to behold, but they're never engaging. I need some interest in the people falling down the building or about to be squashed by the giant Whatever to give two squirts about what happens to them. As this never provided that, the film washed over me. Nothing more. Consequently, even the much-lauded action became boring and meaningless awfully quickly.

For all its "gloss", it's a remarkably amateurish film. The story's terrible (even by video game/toy adaptation standards), the script equally so. There's no sense of pace or weight to anything because one beat explodes into the next empty scenario so quickly it never stood a chance at being an actual scene or sequence. The mishmash of tones is ghastly (the final battle felt like a different movie) and no film I've ever seen has thrown this much "comic relief" at the screen and failed to get me on-side with it. Tyrese's "retirement's wack" was the funniest thing in the movie, but what really made it funny was the fact that I was the only person laughing. It's testament to just how stupid this really was that people took that line seriously.

Yes, it's a film about a toy-line. Yes, it was never going to be Casablanca. And on and on. That's no excuse for showing so little care towards what really matters in Film. I've made no secret of my childhood love for the franchise, but I wasn't throwing a huff because this wasn't "faithful"; I'm all for bringing your own take to the table and having fun. But turning the film into a vessel for your default brand of action whimsy isn't the same thing.

The title characters, the reason that fan and thrill-seekers alike, see these movies remain little more than glorified passengers in their own series. After three films, less than a handful of them approached anything like a "character." Although it should be said that, in 3D, some of them were still more convincing than most of the human cast. There's so much more to be said about how poor this is but I'm actually tired just thinking about it so I'm gonna stop.

I'm glad people are enjoying this in all seriousness, because as bad as it is that 300 million was spent on this to begin with, at least it wasn't a complete waste of time. If this tickles your pickle, fair enough; and I mean that with no condescension. I just know that if I hadn't paid for my ticket there's almost no chance I'd have watched the whole thing.

[Captain Russ]

There must be more than one writer on this.

*goes to imdb*

Oh wait, it's Ehren Kruger.

*scrolls down credit list*

It reads like a demon's resumé...

[Bobby Bear]

I would've found it harder to believe this was a group effort than I did believing any of the faux-peril that unfolded approximately every 30 seconds.

[Abraham Smashington]

[Abraham Smashington]

So I'm the only one that dug it here eh?

[Captain Russ]

I would've found it harder to believe this was a group effort than I did believing any of the faux-peril that unfolded approximately every 30 seconds.

I just keep hearing about incredibly jarring shifts in tone from scene to scene that do not add up, so maybe Awesome-O...I mean Ehren Kruger got bitch slapped hard enough with his giant check that he conceded to Bay on everything.

[Martin]

I'll have your back, Rob. Just wait a bit.

[Abraham Smashington]

Cross Posted from another thread

Works for me.

Transformers 3 works for me because I get caught up in the action pieces and the thought of these giant fucking mechanical beasts that do awesome things so much so that the "lack of real peril" or "a real story" matter not to me. The problem with the second one was that both the story and the action scenes were complete and utter garbage. This one worked for me with both Shia's story line (yeah it wasn't completely fleshed out but I kind of sympathized with his problem of not feeling important and not knowing what to do) AND the crazy fucking Baysplosions that were shot in pretty well in 3d. This may have had a better use of 3d then Avatar did, IMO. So yeah, the 3d shit helped (as I fucking love that stuff) as did the fact the fight scenes were actually shot so you know what the fuck was going on. Is it a great film? nope. But for 2.5 hours I felt like a 8 year old filled to the brim with sugar and allowed giant robots beating the fuck outta each other wash over me in non sexual orgy of SFX and Patrick Dempsy. And it totally worked for me.

[FilmNerdJamie]

Amusing every time a shitty tentpole makes buttloads how some dipshit always brings up the age old, "BOY! THERE'S SUCH A DISCONTENT BETWEEN AUDIENCES AND CRITICS!" and/or "Do critics matter?" argument, remarks, etc.

As if it's something we've never heard before. And as always they leave out the part where there are big blockbusters that get rave reviews too. Like back when this argument was brought up for Transformers 2. You never heard about how Up, Star Trek, The Hangover, Inglorious Basterds and District 9 were huge hits during the summer 2009 that were also critically acclaimed.

God forbid the dumbfucks bringing up said topic would do any research.

[Bobby Bear]

I just keep hearing about incredibly jarring shifts in tone from scene to scene that do not add up....

I could get on board with the tonal shifts if they were handled well or gave you any sense that they were at least deliberate. This script felt like it was written according to the notes of a marketing brainstorming session though:

We just GOTTA have more Funny Parents. Y'know, something for the Mums and Dads. And don't forget the rest of the "zany" comic relief cabal. Because that's worked so well before. But let's not lose site of why we're really here, people: yep, an amorphous string of explosions and gunfire masquerading as a finale should take care of this epic. Will 45 minutes be enough? Better make it an hour. We've got a lot of nothing sub-plots and "arcs" to take care of...

Ugh.

[B_Metal]

So I'm the only one that dug it here eh?

Haven't seen it yet so I can't help you.

[Captain Russ]

Amusing every time a shitty tentpole makes buttloads how some dipshit always brings up the age old, "BOY! THERE'S SUCH A DISCONTENT BETWEEN AUDIENCES AND CRITICS!" and/or "Do critics matter?" argument, remarks, etc.

As if it's something we've never heard before. And as always they leave out the part where there are big blockbusters that get rave reviews too. Like back when this argument was brought up for Transformers 2. You never heard about how Up, Star Trek, The Hangover, Inglorious Basterds and District 9 were huge hits during the summer 2009 that were also critically acclaimed.

God forbid the dumbfucks bringing up said topic would do any research.

Just gimme those sweet sweet page views, babaaaaay

[Matt]

haven't seen it yet either, Rob. I'm planning on it, though.

[V]

I will probably wait for the disc... I seem to do that a lot these past few years. I'm just not into the theater experience anymore.

Well, that and my extreme hatred of people...