Shitty Films You've Seen in Theaters

[Howard]

But Murder at 1600 features Alan Alda getting shot, that's at least something.

Ed. You're perilously close to FAIL territory here.

[Lisa]

But Murder at 1600 features Alan Alda getting shot, that's at least something.

Not that I knew that - I was asleep!

[Ed Hocken]

Ed. You're perilously close to FAIL territory here.

I was making a goddamn joke!

But who at somepoint didn't want Hawkeye to enjoy the hot sweet kiss of lead?

[Howard]

Get your knickers untwisted. One is never quite sure of the depth of your failhood.

[nerdious dorkus]

Vin's avatar is going to send me into a psychotic rage.

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YAY!

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Vin's new avatar

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WAFFLES.

[Abraham Smashington]

Lesley loves Beaches.

[Howard]

But who at somepoint didn't want Hawkeye to enjoy the hot sweet kiss of lead?

Damnit. FAIL.

[Matt]

Vin's gonna have buckwheats.

[Abraham Smashington]

Yah, but I can barely get into the 3D. When I saw the 25 minute clip at SDCC, it didn't notice the extra dimensions AT ALL. I should not be bombarded with gimmicks to enjoy the film. The writing/dialogue/plot and cinematography are the only things I'm concerned about.

Dude, shut the fuck up.

You watch shit just like the rest of us. Yet you seem to hold a weird grudge against this movie.

So you were all about the writing/plot/cinematography for Machine Girl?

[nerdious dorkus]

Machine Girl was beyond ridiculous. That's why it works. Because it's set in a comic book world.

[nerdious dorkus]

And while yes, I enjoy watching shitty movies (UWE BOLL IS MY FUCKING HERO AND GOD), I still think Avatar was overated. Throughout the fucking film, I was wondering why Ribisi's character had to tell Weaver's character why they were FUCKING THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

[BillyG]

But who at somepoint didn't want Hawkeye to enjoy the hot sweet kiss of lead?

Speaking of Hawkeye, did you know Jeremy Renner is gay?

[V]

Vin's gonna have buckwheats.

No buckwheats... thank you!

Fixed, ok?

[Abraham Smashington]

And while yes, I enjoy watching shitty movies (UWE BOLL IS MY FUCKING HERO AND GOD), I still think Avatar was overated. Throughout the fucking film, I was wondering why Ribisi's character had to tell Weaver's character why they were FUCKING THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Point taken, but you seem to shit on it every chance you get. And you do fail pretty hard for not seeing in 3d. Gimmick or not, that's the way the director wanted the film to be seen.

[Lisa]

I didn't hate 'Something's Gotta Give' to the degree that Lisa hated it, but yeah...I want that time and money back.

See, in addition to the many millions of flaws in that movie that not even Frances McDormand could fix (as one of the only two characters you didn't want to strangle - oddly enough, Keanu Reeves being the other one), my rant comes from a middle aged woman's point of view. We've all heard the double standard that if a man is 60 years old in a movie, he of course gets the 25 year old girlfriend and no one blinks. But let a woman try it, and there's a big dust up. Such is the case with "SGG", but even worse.

Here's my issue - Diane Keaton plays this smart, beautiful, talented woman, who happens to be approximately 53 in this movie. Keanu Reeves is this hot, sweet, sexy and - most important - kind and mature young doctor who is totally in love with her. And she with him, for the most part. BUT... she'd had a fling with fat, gross, obnoxious, sexist gas-bag Jack Nicholson and his man-tits, and is in actuality pining for his droopy ass. This is a guy who treats her like dirt, he treats her like a doormat, while Keanu Reeves is ready to pull the sun from the sky to make her happy. Now, I assume, idiot Nancy Meyers and The Powers That Be can't let a 53 year old woman hook up with a 39 year old man, ooooh nooo! Nope - so they end the movie by having Diane Keaton dump Keanu Reeves in favor of Jack Nicholson! DUMPS HIM - IN PARIS, on the night he's going to propose to her! Message to women everywhere? "Who cares if he treats you like shit, as long as he's age appropriate." Get the hell away from that younger guy who treats you like a princess - that's just icky! I hate that movie - hate it, hate it more than any other movie I've ever seen.

The other irony is that the ONLY funny line in the movie belongs to Keanu.