New movies undeserving of their own thread - KILLED BY RYAN REYNOLDS

[B_Metal]

  Spoiler: Aye, this night, the moon is full... NSFW? 

Jesus. Even his ass stopped aging at age 23!

SEEEEEE LISA!!! GAH You're so sexist.

[Timothy225]

Lisa's not sexist. She's just as much a pervert as the rest of us, but she knows what she likes. And she likes male hineys.

[Lisa]

That.

[IggytheBorg]

Just to peek in & play Devil's advocate for a moment: Is it at all possible the post coital bruising was nothing more than an attempt at realism? Geeks have had discussions from time immemorial about what sex with Superman would have done to Lois Lane. I guess it's possible this was just Meyers' take on that question, and not a meta message about standing by your abusive boyfriend.

[Anderson]

HUGO is too good for kids. It's one of the best films of the year, but I'm slightly scared it will bomb.

[Timothy225]

Just to peek in & play Devil's advocate for a moment: Is it at all possible the post coital bruising was nothing more than an attempt at realism? Geeks have had discussions from time immemorial about what sex with Superman would have done to Lois Lane. I guess it's possible this was just Meyers' take on that question, and not a meta message about standing by your abusive boyfriend.

Assuming Edward is strong like ox, and apparently all vampires are in Meyer's little universe, why didn't he give Bella a fanged hickey first before all the roughhousing on the honeymoon? Turn her into a vamp first, then they can screw to their hearts' content, right? I mean this can't be the first time humans and vampires did the nasty together, right? Or am I just clueless on the rules here?

Lisa, can I please have a ruling?

[Martin]

Timothy225 MD.
Vampiric Fornification Specialist.

[Bobby Bear]

I want to watch that... immediately.

[Timothy225]

Rule 34, Bobby. Rule 34.

[Bobby Bear]

Fair enough, but I was thinking more along the lines of an HBO style deal, wherein the titular Timothy225, MD: Vampiric Fornication Specialist solves supernatural problems including, though not limited to, those of an adult nature. Think a mix of Buffy and Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, as conceived and executed by David Lynch.

[Lisa]

Assuming Edward is strong like ox, and apparently all vampires are in Meyer's little universe, why didn't he give Bella a fanged hickey first before all the roughhousing on the honeymoon? Turn her into a vamp first, then they can screw to their hearts' content, right? I mean this can't be the first time humans and vampires did the nasty together, right? Or am I just clueless on the rules here?

Lisa, can I please have a ruling?

Because Bella and Edward have this constant battle going on about her becoming a vampire or not (and let me tell you, JESUS, you have to listen to the fucking whining from about halfway through book one clear through until their honeymoon in book four). She wants to - she wants to be able to live forever with him, and since he was vamped when he was 17, once she turned 18, she began freaking out about constantly getting older than him. He doesn't want her to turn into a vampire. He knows that it's not going to be the great life that she thinks it is. They reach an agreement - he promises to turn her, but she has to promise to marry him first.

There's also the problem of her vamping out before they "go away to college" (code for, "move away so the people they know don't realize she's been turned into a vampire"). She's been looking to pick a school that provides enough dreary weather that Edward won't be exposed to the sunlight - hence the sparkling - plus, someplace far enough away that her parents won't expect her to visit that often (they keep discussing the possibility of the University of Alaska). She'll need to slowly break away from her folks so they don't notice quite so soon that she's no longer aging. Anyway, the whole point is, Edward wants to make sure that Bella has enough time to first marry him (making an honest vampire out of her and all that), and enough time to get out of town the following year and "attend college" someplace ridiculously far away.

Anyway, that's the reason he doesn't pre-vamp her before their wedding. Once she becomes pregnant and the baby begins to kill her, she actually does begin to die during labor. They get the baby out, and before she completely bleeds to death, Edward vamps her to save her. So that's why the fake plan of "college" never comes into play. The whole playbook goes out the window once she becomes pregnant.

And in answer to Tim's other question - yes, once he vamps her and she's just as strong as he is, of course, they then screw to their hearts content without any problems.

[Martin]

The whole playbook goes out the window once she becomes pregnant.

Isn't that always the case?

[Matt]

Makes logical sense...I guess.

[Timothy225]

Because Bella and Edward have this constant battle going on about her becoming a vampire or not (and let me tell you, JESUS, you have to listen to the fucking whining from about halfway through book one clear through until their honeymoon in book four). She wants to - she wants to be able to live forever with him, and since he was vamped when he was 17, once she turned 18, she began freaking out about constantly getting older than him. He doesn't want her to turn into a vampire. He knows that it's not going to be the great life that she thinks it is. They reach an agreement - he promises to turn her, but she has to promise to marry him first.

There's also the problem of her vamping out before they "go away to college" (code for, "move away so the people they know don't realize she's been turned into a vampire"). She's been looking to pick a school that provides enough dreary weather that Edward won't be exposed to the sunlight - hence the sparkling - plus, someplace far enough away that her parents won't expect her to visit that often (they keep discussing the possibility of the University of Alaska). She'll need to slowly break away from her folks so they don't notice quite so soon that she's no longer aging. Anyway, the whole point is, Edward wants to make sure that Bella has enough time to first marry him (making an honest vampire out of her and all that), and enough time to get out of town the following year and "attend college" someplace ridiculously far away.

Anyway, that's the reason he doesn't pre-vamp her before their wedding. Once she becomes pregnant and the baby begins to kill her, she actually does begin to die during labor. They get the baby out, and before she completely bleeds to death, Edward vamps her to save her. So that's why the fake plan of "college" never comes into play. The whole playbook goes out the window once she becomes pregnant.

And in answer to Tim's other question - yes, once he vamps her and she's just as strong as he is, of course, they then screw to their hearts content without any problems.

Looks like I have to start earning Bobby's praise as Timothy225, MD: Vampiric Fornication Specialist (Bobby Werebear will be my assistant, of course).

OK, young, good-looking, live forever. Superpowers out the ass. High protein liquid diet. So far, not seeing any drawbacks here. Especially since they don't burn up in sunlight, but sparkle (are you shitting me? What the hell... nevermind). Maybe Eddie's afraid Bella will CHEW HER LIPS OFF IN EVERY DAMN SCENE when she gets her fangs?

Physically, Bella's 18, but Edward's 17. Of course, Edward is like what, a century older than Bella to begin with? Girlfriend best get over herself - they both have their pubes and are voting age, so fuck that point. Not to worry - Bobby will go over to her room, snap his fingers, and go "Nuh-uh! You better recognize, sister!" Remember to wag that finger with some 'tude, Bob.

Bella wants to go to college, but is afraid Sparkle Plenty is going to get found out? It's called "night school", honey, look into it. Spout some BS about getting a day job, and no one's the wiser. Bobby? Call around, see if any local colleges offer night courses. Hell, give DeVry Technical Institute a call. Big future in computer repair. HUGE.

As for the pre-vamping before the wedding? Eddie, baby, sweetheart, bite her AFTER the wedding, but BEFORE getting busy on the honeymoon! Do they still have the three day waiting period before she rises from the crypt with her pointy pearly whites, or does that happen instantly? And what's the gestation period for humans with vampire babies? Shorter than nine months? Longer?Bobby, do some research, get back to me ASAP, there's a good lad.

Man, I can shit a better story than this. So cereal.

[Abraham Smashington]

Paul Dano and Michael Pitt are being talked aobut for Tetsuo in Akira....

MICHAEL PITT.


YESSSSS.