Machete

[Ari]

Trailer may not be that great but holy shit Michelle Rodriguez has been working out.

Michelle Rodriguez scares my penis. It's like, my penis wants to go in, but he's scared of the outcome.

[B_Metal]

My penis has no fear. Of course I've been married longer and have two kids. My penis is like HIHOWYADOINGLETSFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKOKTHXBAI!!!!

[Ari]

Red band Machete trailer may be the best thing ever made:

http://www.ign.com/

[Abraham Smashington]

HOLY SHIT

[Ari]

MOTHER FUCKING INTESTINE ROPE!!!11!

[Abraham Smashington]

I KNOW.

CANNOT WAIT.

[V]

CAME!

TANKER TRUCK!

[BillyG]

I finally have a hint of interest. And it was Cheech that created it.

[Timothy225]

I can haz stiffy?

FUCKING GLORIOUS! GLORIOUS!!!! My ass is in the seat opening night - hell, I'll go to a midnight showing if one's available!

[Matt]

Saw it. I took the day off and saw the 11:10 show over at Southdale with my brother.

Very fun, very bloody. Thoughts:
- Fahey steals the entire movie, no lie. He's great in every single scene that he's in. Of everyone there, he 'got' it the most, and he's an absolute joy to watch from start to 'finish'.
- Michelle Rodriguez and Jessica Alba are smoking HOT in this film. Holy shit.
- Alba is her typical terrible self, though. Flat, wooden, and unconvincing. It kinda works within the context of this film, but it still stands out as a poor performance. That body, though...fuck.
- Lindsay is an afterthought, strictly there to provide half of the tits in the pool scene with Machete. It's a throwaway.
- DeNiro is having fun, and it's kinda infectious whenever he's on the screen.
- Seagal is fat. REALLY fat. He's fun to watch, though. His 'finish' isn't what you expect it to be, and he hams it up in a really amusing way.

I'd call it VERY GOOD but not GREAT. The political bullshit really slows the momentum of the story down. You're there to watch people kicking ass, and long pauses while Alba gives yet another speech about immigration only get in the way.
I saw this in a theater with about 30 other people who all enjoyed it and laughed/cheered at the appropriate moments. I suspect that this film would play better in a full theater of screaming fans, though.

[Captain Russ]

The political bullshit really slows the momentum of the story down. You're there to watch people kicking ass, and long pauses while Alba gives yet another speech about immigration only get in the way.

So it's that stupid Mariachi bullshit from Rodriguez's Once Upon A Mexican movie, but out of the mouth of a female Keanu.

Yeehaw.

[Captain Russ]

Addendum: I don't mean my commentary as anything other than directed toward the derision of that prude mothertrucker as the ruin of Nancy Callahan.

[Captain Russ]

I laughed my balls off.

Then they reattached themselves.

I wanted to take a nap when The Lohan-Alba tried to emote, but there was enough crazy shit going on to entice me to laugh my balls off again. And again.

The Fahey was classic. Steven Seagal was glorious. And DeNiro's political ad was the shit.

I had a fucking great time. And you should too.

Also: the hottest Michelle Rodriguez has ever been. No lie.

[Abraham Smashington]

Fucking glorious. So much fucking win.

[Timothy225]

Just got back from the theater - LOVED, LOVED, LOVED this film! Even the slow bits with Alba didn't take me out of the fun (yeah, they were lulls, but damn it, they're quickly forgotten when the action picks up again).

Michele Rodriguez is teh hotness, as are the Crazy Babysitter Twins from Planet Terror as nurses.

Fahey stole every scene he was in, as he should, for he is Fahey. Deniro, Savini, Lohan(!), etc. - solid performances from everyone. And as always, we get more CHEECH!

  Spoiler: SPOILERS! 

Why, Robert? Why'd you gotta whack the Padre? Machete'll need him for Machete Kills and Machete Kills Again, which you fucking well better shoot back-to-back (this better not be Buckaroo Banzai all over again, fucker!), 'cause Trejo ain't getting any younger, son!

And, yes, Lohan has rocking tits. But Alicia (Bride of the Fahey, at least in this pic) Marek was fucking smoking hot. Same for Seagal's henchgirl, Cheryl Chin.