Craigs List Thread : The best of!

[ScooterLaBeef]

Miss Piggy for the win.... the is great!

[blainegarrett]

Craigs List : I wear chain mail to protect my body from the rigors of extreme playing

epic

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/hud/677453250.html

[patronsaintofcheeseburgers]

Greatness...I wish I could hear some of this guys shit. I bet it was KG from Tenacious D.

[ScooterLaBeef]

Excerpt From Craigslist :

I'd like to start this off by saying one thing: IF YOU DON'T LIKE GUITAR, IF YOU HAVE A FAMILY HISTORY OF CARDIAC INFIRMITY, OR IF YOU ARE IN ANY WAY OF A WEAK DISPOSITION, HIT THE BACK BUTTON RIGHT AWAY.

But who doesn't like guitar, right? I don't think you understand. Jimi Hendrix played guitar. Groucho Marx played guitar. I think Winston Churchill might have played guitar. What I play is something different.

Picture a Verdi opera: 3 hours of music, some of beautiful and ennobling, at times piquant and subtle, other times dramatic and inspiring. Take those three hours of music, those thousands of musical notes, and compress them into 4 measures of incomprehensible speed, delivered with earth-shaking finesse and a raucous disregard for any physiological limit to human auditory perception. I cannot stress this enough: I will play guitar so fast your face will melt.

The last girlfriend I had was dearer to me than anything that doesn't have steel strings and pickups. It's with a heavy heart that I must confess that she met a tragic demise. I sat her down to perform for her, as she had never heard me play. Within mere seconds of the furious and almost satanically fast deluge of musical notes, she burst into flames and was reduced to a smoldering pile of ash. I have grieved for 7 months, and now it is time to seek a hardier companion.

I seek a woman of no flimsy construction who can tolerate the cyclone of death that my guitar will unleash upon her. Think about the scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark when the Holy Spirit (or whatever the hell that poorly rendered gaseous conglomerate was supposed to be) ravaged the Nazis by melting their flesh from their mortal bones. This is what my guitar playing does, except there is only vapor left, no bones. I cannot stress this enough: I will play guitar so fast the Earth will be rent asunder and armies of hellions will spew forth to wreak havoc upon the human population.

I don't care if you are fat, thin, average, need attention, busty, or even whether you genetically qualify as a human being. All that I care about, the single thing that will hold my attention, is a woman who can listen to my terror-inspiring, WMD-unleashing, virgin-defiling, hell-bent-on-misanthropic-destruction tornado of picking and whammy bar stunts without dying immediately.

If you think you can witness the senseless and brutalizing destruction that is my guitar playing without being maimed, incinerated, mutilated, lacerated, or dismembered in any way, please send me an email and I will arrange a meeting.

[Abraham Smashington]

Awesome. Pure Awesome.

[Ari]

I'd go out with him.

[ScooterLaBeef]

I just think of this guy playing some Rockband.

[ScooterLaBeef]

I think the post was already removed as all the links I found where no longer good..... who the hell would buy this shit!

Here’s your chance to get a piece of historic MMA memorabilia. Some guy on Craigslist is claiming that he has some of the Toyo Tire that blew out when the cops were chasing Quinton “Rampage” Jackson down the streets of Costa Mesa, CA.
From Craigslist:

Quinton “Rampage” Jackson Shredded Tire from Chase. Small pieces. Will send pics to serious inquiries.
My co-workers and I were driving back from lunch Tuesday, and almost got hit by this big a** truck being chased. His front tire landed in front of our car as pulled over to let the cops do there thing.
If your out of town, you will need to pay for shipping costs.

[patronsaintofcheeseburgers]

Epic...I would rather get his psych ward jumpsuit.

[ScooterLaBeef]

[Corey]

so im confused will he help me build something with these cinder blocks??


hahahahha

[Corey]

where do you guys find these adds

[ScooterLaBeef]

Most of the time I'm e-mailed with this shit.... 30% of the e-mails I receive are non-work related jokes and videos

[patronsaintofcheeseburgers]

email this posting to a friend best of craigslist > SF bay area > Nemesis required. 6-month project with possibilty to extend
Originally Posted: Wed, 7 May 14:49 PDT
Nemesis required. 6-month project with possibilty to extend

<hr> Date: 2008-05-07, 2:49PM PDT


I've been trying to think of ways to spice up my life. I'm 35 years old, happily married with two kids and I have a good job in insurance. But somethings missing. I feel like I'm old before my time. I need to inject some excitement into my daily routine through my arm before its too late. I need a challenge, something to get the adrenaline pumping again. An addiction would be nice, but, in short, I need a nemesis. I'm willing to pay $350 up front for you services as an arch enemy over the next six months. Nothing crazy. Steal my parking space, knock my coffee over, trip me when Im running to catch the BART and occasionaly whisper in my ear, "Ahha, we meet again". That kind of thing. Just keep me on my toes. Complacency will be the death of me. You need to have an evil streak and be blessed with innate guile and cunning. You should also be adept at inconsicuous pursuit. Evil laugh preferred. Send me a photo and a brief explanation why you would be a good nemesis.

British accent preferred.

• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: $350 up front

PostingID: 672031640
<hr>
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[nerdious dorkus]

gamestop girl

Dearest GameStop Girl,

When I walked into your store that fateful Tuesday, I expected only to find a smattering of half-decent titles tucked back there amongst the used 360 games. Instead I found you, surrounded by a beam of light, halfway between Assassin's Creed and Call of Duty 3. Your gorgeous dark hair was radiant in contrast with the rainbow of colors on the deluxe Bioshock behind you. The Game of the Year held no interest for me when I saw you look up and smile, even though both could hold me in Rapture.

You commanded the register when it was my turn to check out with the Orange Box. Yes, I was finally getting to play Portal. Lucky me, you said with the cutest smile. Lucky me, I thought, and then knew you had the Portal to my heart. I could care less if the cake is a lie, I'd still want to share it with you.

Oh GameStop Girl, how you make my heart meter skip a beat. If you were being held captive in a mountain fortress by a ruthless mutant mafia gangboss and I had to fight my way through 16 levels of fire-breathing undead ninjas with swords the size of small ponies, I would find a way, even if, after every level, a small man continued to taunt me by saying that you were in another castle. EVEN IF.

So, yes, GameStop Girl, I want to kill robotic zombie terrorists with you. You can even have the deluxe shotgun with explosive scattershot. I'll just use this knife over here. I'll do anything for you, just for the small, slightest chance that someday - someday - you and me could be a Wii.

Cute. Geek love: how I wish I could try you.