What Emmanuelle Movie Did You Just Watch?

[Matt]

Here's the deal: Jonathan Pryce is AMAZING in it, easily the MVP. He's having wicked fun when he's in evil Zartan mode, and the scene where he threatens nuclear war while playing Angry Birds is pretty damned awesome.

Whenever he's NOT on the screen, the film is a complete slog. It's not funny and the action sequences aren't compelling. The big ninja battle on the side of the mountain is pretty cool, but it's nothing to jack off to.

You can easily wait for Netflix on this one.

[B_Metal]

I have heard it basically comes down to how much sillyness you can handle. Of course I know nothing because I'm busy towing the world this weekend. FUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuu

[Matt]

For the record, I enjoyed the first one. It's big and dumb, but it's also well-paced and has (God help me) a more compelling story. This thing is edited to an inch of its life, and it feels like 90% of the shit that would make you care about what's going on ended up on the cutting room floor. It's all a bunch of explosions without enough connecting tissue.

Also, Bruce Willis is in full-blown snooze mode here. Thank God he's barely in it.

Another thing: Snake Eyes isn't in the movie very much. Dial back your expectations for cool ninja stuff...you've got the big mountain scene and a few snippets here and there but that's about it. This is entirely the Rock's show, so adjust your expectations regarding 'cool ninja shit'.

[B_Metal]

Honestly, I was in for The Rock. Is he at least decent in it?

[Matt]

He blows shit up good.

[B_Metal]

YESSSSSSSsssssssssssss

[Martin]

Tatum dies in it, so my interest kinda dropped down a lot. I'll see it, but dammit, I like C-Tate!!!

[PHEDG]

Tatum dies in it, so my interest kinda dropped down a lot. I'll see it, but dammit, I like C-Tate!!!

Guess this wasn't spoiler worthy and all bets are off after release. Almost got to see it the way you did.

[Martin]

It's been months since the Tatum death came out, so it ain't that much of a spoiler.

[Martin]

Question Matt: is the final fight completely big and insane? Like, worth it?

[PHEDG]

Hopefully it's better than something like Temple of Doom.

[Matt]

Question Matt: is the final fight completely big and insane? Like, worth it?

It's not even close to the final battle of the first film.

[Martin]

Fuck that I'm out. Thanks for saving me money my friend. It's a rental for me.

[Ari]

G.I. JOE: RETALIATION

Don't. Just...don't.

Imagine if Empire Strikes Back started off with Luke on Hoth. With him is Lando (who is his best friend even though it makes no sense but the movie shows Lando and Luke shooting swamp rats a few months ago in a flash back so they must be BFFs), a hot twi'lek chick, and a piece of cardboard. Where's Han and Leia? Well they aren't mentioned once.

So the Empire attacks Hoth and kills Luke and every other member of the Rebellion, so Lando, hot twi'lek chick, and piece of cardboard go out to destroy the Empire themselves.

Also, R2 shows up for about 10 minutes and does something cool.

Now of course I'm not saying any character in the G.I. Joe films equal Han, Leia, and Luke, but Retaliation is just a whopping shit pile that wants to ignore the first film and yet very closely follow the first film.

So Matt is spot on with this one. Fuck this movie. Fuck the piece of cardboard who played Flint. Fuck them killing Duke (who had a whole back story w/Cobra Commander). Fuck them for ignoring Destro and not

  Spoiler: Spolier! 

even mentioning the Baronness or Scarlett. And for killing Zartan. And for having Storm Shadow team up with the good guys.

Basically, I'm done with this franchise. So very done.

[Abraham Smashington]

ouch.