What Emmanuelle Movie Did You Just Watch?

[Captain Russ]

He's my favorite honkey.

And the glasses thing was meant to imply you wear them, like so many hipsters, who also have a knack for condescension ("You wouldn't understand" = "You probably never heard of it/them/this").

It was a playful ribbing that backfired because you don't waste your life on the internet.

[Matt]

Ah.

[Captain Russ]

Yeah.

[Bobby Bear]

The fights are awesome in Bonerhood of the Dogpeople....

I think you're being uncharacteristically harsh on the Bros, Bobby.

Since I didn't get to the final one, I'll have to take your word on that. But know this: I enjoyed your post more than I did the film (well, what I made it through of the film.) No joke.

My main issue with AKIRA (the movie) is that it tries to convey too much information in the opening twenty minutes, and it does so very poorly. It has clunky exposition, poor scene transitions, and plot contrivances that fly in the face of logic or real human behaviour. It flows much better once Tetsuo starts to manifest powers, and the main throughline of the plot starts to gel into something that the viewer will care about, but it's a real slog getting to that point.

DUDE!

The first act is extremely effective. Sure, it could have got where it was going a little quicker, but it hardly hurts the structure/running time too much fleshing things out a little better. It's not all about pace in a movie like that. It's important to see what those guys are like, to feel close enough to them for us to care when things start getting wacky.

There's no getting around the dialogue. It's pretty ropey at times throughout the movie, but what else about it seems so clunky to you? I'm just trying to understand what specifically makes it such a slog for some of you. This isn't like when I go off on one about Robot Jox or The Last Starfighter or something. This is a flick that's rubbed shoulders with the greats of cinematic sci-fi in an Empire Best Of list. It strikes me that something doesn't get that kind of esteem without doing quite a lot of things right.

The last half was always a bit of an endurance test for me, right from when I watched it for the first time at about 14, but I never had an issue with the opening. It's such an exciting intro that really puts you in the gang (with a fantastic set-piece or two to help the story settle.)

Kaneda is absolutely led around by his member. I totally buy that he would get so led off course chasing Kai that he would actually find his way back to Tetsuo through her and the resistance. That's a character acting on their own, to my mind, as opposed to being whipped off on this or that route by The Plot.

[Abraham Smashington]

DEADLY.

[Abraham Smashington]

Akira is worth mentioning for the art. that's it.

[BillyG]

DEADLY.

HALLOWS

[Abraham Smashington]

PART 2 IN 3D

[Captain Russ]

THAT'S "DEATHLY!"



Eleventy Billion fucking points from Hufflepuff for this egregious error.

[Abraham Smashington]

hahahhah. <3 you guys.

[Bobby Bear]

haha. Akira has heart and Transformers is hollow?

Yeah, I'm getting off of this crazy train.

Also, my post was in no way to say that TF does have heart, but I'd put it up there with Akira ANY DAY OF THE WEEK.

This post combo... why do you do this to me, man?

I calls them like I sees them.

At least Transformers is a more coherent flick. The only reason I can deal with Akira is because I read the manga first.

Transformers (the first one) is coherent, but that's like saying "Janie runs" is a cogent sentence. There's a subject and a verb. That's it. If a film with so few narrative ingredients was incoherent, there would be simply no excuse. It adequately tells a story many found ludicrously basic. Nothing more.

Akira is so far beyond that it's not even funny. Even if it doesn't execute everything quite as well as it might have wanted to, it's nowhere near the mess being painted here. I say that not even as an ardent supporter of the flick. That's just giving credit where it's due.

Also, as I said, I've never read the manga and the film never felt utterly muddled to me. It knew exactly what it was doing, and I admired it for that.

AKIRA attempts to tackle some existential issues. The TRANSFORMERS films have no real ambition.... Heart doesn't factor into either film.

Your first two sentences made me very happy. Your last sentence undid that in one Tarkin-esque swift stroke.

[BillyG]

THAT'S "DEATHLY!"



Eleventy Billion fucking points from Hufflepuff for this egregious error.

Know who watches Harry Potter?

[Captain Russ]

That kid's fivehead is more disconcerting than the sentient pustule he later becomes.

I hate anime. So much.

[Abraham Smashington]

Anime was great when I was stuck watching Tiny Toons, now it's just fucking annoying unless used SPARINGLY and more stylized (Kill Bill).

[Bobby Bear]

Why would Tetsuo waste his time watching that nonsense when he can nip into orbit and destroy a weapons satellite? In spectacular fashion!

I'm actually sort of amazed I'm on my own about this.