We need your questions!

[nerdious dorkus]

why do certain colored people die first in movies? is it supposed to be funny?

is it sid meier's civilization games racist because you go around and conquer nations and tribes of possibly different races?

fuck i fail at grammar.

*is sid meier's civilization games racist because you go around and conquer nations and tribes of possibly different races?

[ScooterLaBeef]

fuck i fail at grammar.

So stop critiquing me!

[Captain Russ]

So...I was leaving the gym when Loverboy's "Working for the Weekend" came on (There were better things before then. Not that there is anything wrong with Loverboy). "Chris Farley as a Chippendale's hopeful" imagery aside, what was the shittiest job you ever held? How long do you grit your teeth and deal with it before you went all "Scarface in Half-Baked" on the establishment?

[Ari]

Oh that's a good one.

[Captain Russ]

Strangest celebrity physical features?

Vanessa Ferlito's fucked up nostril (Cocaine through a garden hose? Pop fly? Or a game of oneupmanship with Stunt-Man Mike?)

Joaquin Phoenix's hairlip? (Johnny Cash was too much of a badass to have a cleft palate. Main reason Phoenix didn't get the Oscar was that hairlip. True Story.)

Jean Claude Van Damme's perpetually bumpy forehead? (When is he just gonna pay a homeless dude to knock that back in with an empty St. Ides bottle?)

Neve Campbell's inverted nipples? (It was a sad day when I found it out. Damn.)

Forrest Whitaker's wandering eye? (Not an adulterer in any way; just a man with one eye going one way, one going the other, and one getting to Scotland before you.)

[Abraham Smashington]

Strangest celebrity physical features?

Vanessa Ferlito's fucked up nostril (Cocaine through a garden hose? Pop fly? Or a game of oneupmanship with Stunt-Man Mike?)

Joaquin Phoenix's hairlip? (Johnny Cash was too much of a badass to have a cleft palate. Main reason Phoenix didn't get the Oscar was that hairlip. True Story.)

Jean Claude Van Damme's perpetually bumpy forehead? (When is he just gonna pay a homeless dude to knock that back in with an empty St. Ides bottle?)

Neve Campbell's inverted nipples? (It was a sad day when I found it out. Damn.)

Forrest Whitaker's wandering eye? (Not an adulterer in any way; just a man with one eye going one way, one going the other, and one getting to Scotland before you.)

I can't deal with Forrest. Specifically because of his lazy eye. Dude is an awesome actor, but it's hard to watch him. Lazy eye's make me feel ill sometimes.

[Captain Russ]

I'd hate to be an interviewer of Whitaker. I'd be too busy trying to figure out which one he was looking out of at any given moment to even listen to him answer my questions.

Hell, I'd probably blurt out "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR EYE?"

[Abraham Smashington]

And Ferlito's nose was fucking distracting in the theater. Her whole face was actually. She ain't have nothing on Rosario.

[Captain Russ]

True story, sir.

The line where the 8 foot tall Amazonian DJ says "your skinny white ass," I was confused as to who she was addressing. Ferlito looked like she'd be hangin' at JT's BBQ pit for a the duration of the Grindhouse shoot.

She was fighting an uphill battle from "Go" on that movie.

Still...I bet if I asked the "Hottest Character in Grindhouse" question, I know you both would go: FAHEY.

[Abraham Smashington]

Well of course.

[Captain Russ]

I knew it. Rosario didn't stand a chance...

[blainegarrett]

Question 1: Similar to the midget action star question, will an overweight man ever play more than a lead role in a comedy centered around their weight? Will someone like Ethan Suplee (ala American History X) act the shit out of an action leading role? We have guns, so lack of running and agility are no excuse for lack of chubby action leads. what do you think?

Question 2 : Do you guys prefer to blow off your own fingers with mediocre fireworks or sift through the sea of douchebags and watch a public spectacle of fireworks?

Question 3: What movie are you sorta embarrassed about - either having watched PERIOD or for your reaction to it? For example, Only the Lonely with John Candy made me cry when I saw it ten years ago.

Question 4: If there were a podcaust movie, what genre would it be and who would be the antagonist? Kevin Rose?

Question 5: When you were wee lads, who were your lead actress crushes who are now probably playing lead character's mothers or only a few years away from the rest home?

[Abraham Smashington]

We are recording a new podcast tomorrow so I can post it Friday since I'll be gone for a week. We need more questions!

[Captain Russ]

Preface: I have been drinking since three, so who knows where the hell this shit is coming from.

The Chigurgh Question: When was the last time you were actually scared of a film or television character(Cannot be Chigurh. Sorry.) and why? Someone who rubs you the wrong way or has that certain "crazy asshole I shouldn't like" vibe about them times eleventy billion? Like the ice-cleaning neighbor from Home Alone? That guy totally maimed his family with that shovel.

What about real life douchebags of humanity?

(This question can revolve around phobias or stereotypes of some kind if nothing else comes to mind.)



Bikers. We all know they exist. We all know they are this century's version of pirates. But who had the greatest starring role as a biker?

Chuck Sheen in Beyond the Law, where he infiltrates a biker gang led by Mike Madsen (with the help of Leon Rippy and Linda Fiorentino (pre-Jade))?

The Boz in Stone Cold, where he infiltrates a biker gang led by Lance Henriksen and William Forsythe (with the help of Glen from Raising Arizona)?

Mickey Rourke and Don Johnson in Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man, where they don't infiltrate shit, but instead steal a whole bunch of drugs from Tom Sizemore (irony(who is helped by fellow rehab resident Daniel Baldwin))?

OR...

Mel "Sugar Tits" Gibson in Mad Max, where he also doesn't infiltrate shit, but instead becomes a seething pile of hate who takes down an entire group of nihilistic bikers (Helped by no one at all. Ever.)?

Also also, Easy Rider doesn't fit, as it is not so much about a biker culture as it is about the American Dream. Kiss my white ass, I am right. (Plus, there wouldn't be any competition in regards to the other people in the running.)

*Apologizes for the rather pedestrian question. Will return with much more brain-ridge-fucking questions next week. Is on vacation. Have a happy 4th, sirs.*

[Abraham Smashington]

Awesome. We love your questions man.