DARK SOULS: A Masochist's Love Letter

[Captain Russ]

Blighttown is such a shithole. It more than lives up to its name.

[BillyG]

Fuck the night with the huge club at the bottom of the tower stairs in the Burg, that leads out to the basin. Fuck him. HARD. With his club. Oh look block block block RANDOM FUCKING ONE SHOT KILL.

I do now have several complete suits of armor, currently rocking all leather, but thief helm. And a black knight shield, which is omfgamazing.

[Captain Russ]

Hydra is now Stumpmonster.

Spider Lady has been sacked.

Denied the Stray Demon at the Asylum the bank loan for his afterlife cottage. Also slapped his shit.

Made it into the keep that was once home to the Onion Knight sitting outside of it. Fucking horrible place is fucking horrible. Like they consulted H.H. Holmes via Ouija when designing it.

[Captain Russ]

Made it to the top of the terror tower. Got a sweet lightning spear on the way, and with little else besides two estus flasks to my name, tried to take on the Iron Golem.

I larfed at how quickly he caught me with my armored pantaloons down and proceeded to violate me in ways normally reserved for Ned Beatty on a canoe trip.

Now it is time to navigate that death trap all over again to maybe not get so raped. Maybe quasi-raped.

[V]

Now it is time to navigate that death trap all over again to maybe not get so raped. Maybe quasi-raped.

Quasi or semi... perhaps demi.

It's all good, though.

[BillyG]

Demi-raped is appropriate seeing as how they are god like, Vin.

[Captain Russ]

That whore crow just had to make its nest on a cliffside...

Did a nekkid run to some fancypants gold hemmed armor right as the Ceaseless Discharge set me on fire forever.

[V]

Demi-raped is appropriate seeing as how they are god like, Vin.

Then it shall be so...

[Captain Russ]

Tried for the Iron Giant's soul again. I was rebuffed completely. I had my tower shield up, and was pushed right off the fucking side of the tower.

What a massive twat.

[Captain Russ]

I'd also like to thank the people at FROM for helping me turn what should have been a productive weekend into a timesink of epic proportions.

[BillyG]

Yup, I was planning on a nice work out. Nope.jpg. I just killed the burly black knight in the tower shortcut to the basin. Hoped for that insane shield, got a ring. Bah. Then killed the black knight in the tower near the boar fight. Then I shot the dragon to see what would happen. Um, 10,000 souls for my trouble? OK...Hope I didn't just break something. Now I am level 27, and am going to grind up to 30 before capra demon, read he is much easier from level 30 on. I also got the vendor that sells moss and the charcoal resin. I will set those dogs on fire next time we meet.

Oh, also came across a room filled with drakes. I'll just be turning around and leaving.

[Captain Russ]

Yeah, the dragon immediately dies if you snipe it from the tower. It'll probably be patched soon.

To the right of those drakes is a shortcut to Blighttown (and a nice little loot run over that rope bridge, as long as you can dodge the dragon's poison breath).

Capra Demon is a fucking joke.

[Captain Russ]

Just found out there's a goddamn bonfire that I magically ran right past in Sen's Fart-Tress.

Well doesn't that just beat all.

[BillyG]

So how do you get through illusory walls?

[Captain Russ]

Hit them.

That is, if you're talking about the sorts of illusory walls I'm talking about.