DARK SOULS: A Masochist's Love Letter

[Abraham Smashington]

Figured out my fireballs and shit. Pretty neat. Died and figured out I needed to find my body to get my souls/humanity back or whatever. The only part I'm not a huge fan of at the moment is not knowing where to go. I just wandered around for an hour last night with no idea if I was going in the right direction or not.

[Captain Russ]

That's one of the reasons I love it.

But yeah, starting out you will want to head to Undead (Duck) Burg, which you will find up the stairs of the aqueduct near Firelink Shrine.

[BillyG]

Yup, explore your heart out man. Word of advice, when you work through the Undead Burg and you come to the tower, try going down instead of up.

[Abraham Smashington]

I feel that wandering around is what is going to kill the game for me and not the difficulty. If I put this down for more than a day, I'm not going to know where the fuck to go.

[Captain Russ]

Read the wiki. They even have a map for beginners.

Read the wiki.

Read the wiki.

Way of the future.

Way of the future.

Way of the future.

[BillyG]

The wiki can help guide you where to go next. Honestly, the enemies it puts into place help guide you. MUST BE THIS BADASS TO ENTER

[Abraham Smashington]

I got rocked on some docks by ghosts with whip arms or some shit.

[Captain Russ]

That's New Londo. Stay outta there unless you've got transient curses (a couple are on the corpse inside the vase near the entrance to the place). Even then, at low levels, they can rip you apart.

(But if you're game to just do a suicide run, get to the first area after the wood planks, hook a right, go through the archway down a thin corridor, run past the ghosts that pop up, and get yourself your first Firekeeper Soul (the item you give the mute in the cage to upgrade the healing power of your flasks).)

[Captain Russ]

That's another awesome thing about this game: it incorporates the old-school methods of mastery in memorization and hand-eye coordination. FROM is the greatest.

[Captain Russ]

So I was farming for Titanite Slabs in New Londo yesterday, and it occurred to me that the darkwraiths down there do a four-stage strike attack, and when they fucking do it, it looks like Bad Ash from Army of Darkness doing A.C. Slater dance moves.

I larfed. Then killed the fuck.

[Abraham Smashington]

hahahaha

[Captain Russ]

Got to NG+ again on Monday night.

Made it to the part in Anal Rando with those fuckfaced dragonbow-using twatwaffles in twatwaffle armor and the army of creepy gargoyles with albinism, and as I made it to that corner of the building to get to the bonfire, the realization that "in New Game Plus, enemies have more poise and hit harder" really hit home.

I put my shield up for the sake of my 200k+ souls and huge manatees I was carrying around, but unlike the original playthrough where the arrows colliding against your shield would push you back a little, this time it was like going up against Ray Lewis on PCP.

I flew back, shield still up, and somehow ended up falling to my fucking death for five straight attempts. Those knights can eat Galactus' butthole for eternity. Seriously. Fuck them.

[Captain Russ]

So Ornstein and Smough went down again. This time, Orn went Pym.

I was not hit once the entire time. I am God here.

[BillyG]

[Captain Russ]

Aaaaaand I'm being rapified by Gwyndolin for my hubris.

(I would gladly take Jenny Lewis in my autistic arms)