Assassin's Creed: Ezio's BONERHOOD

[Captain Russ]

Rampart was the tits.

Forgot this game was out as well...

...fuck.

[Abraham Smashington]

Really wish they'd stop adding shit like this into the single player parts of these games. I had the same problem with Lego Star Wars 3.

[BillyG]

Still digging it. Old pimp daddy Ezio is cooler and suaver than the sniffling twat we met in AC2 in such a way to be indescribable. It even makes you realize you might care for the dude in a few things he says. Watching him put the moves on this red haired 20 something book dealer is a thing of joy.

[Fil]

It was hard to wait but I bought Revelations on Amazon for $35 on Friday. Game needs to get here already.

Anyone want a code for Turkish Assassin Armor for Revelations? I have a 360 code I can't use.

[Captain Russ]

I might take you up on that code, if it hasn't been claimed anyway. We'll see when my copy drops through the mail slot tomorrow.

[Captain Russ]

Enjoying it so far. Even the tower defense aspect is kinda fun. One minor quibble though: who thought the carriage thing at the beginning was fucking dumb? Show of hands.

Istanbul AssBro is bro of bros.

[BillyG]

The carriage was needless, tedious, and tiresome.

[Captain Russ]

I will say it made me want to kill that cross-eyed, Bushwacker-looking motherfucker that much more.

But still, padding gonna pad.

[Captain Russ]

Old Man Ezio looks like a fucking goon. It's great.

[BillyG]

Smoothest goon this side of Constantinople.

[Captain Russ]

Yeah, tower defense is fun as all get out. I look forward to the punk bitch templars who step to my shit.

Rob, you've been promoted to sergeant in the Fun Police. Tighten up

[BillyG]

Beat Revelations. This game made no fucking sense. Desmond was on some island matrix with a weird, super creepy looking, avatar that he talked to like twice. I collected shit and unlocked more "Desmond island" moments but fuck playing those. The pacing just feels really off on this game, in the other AC games I felt a need to open all the viewpoints, and in the last one I felt a need to unlock the shops, make money, and open assassin dens. I didn't unlocked several viewpoints, or assassin dens, and didn't assign several master assassin's to my dens.

The tower defense shit is dumb and a waste of resources. I did it the one time ever, because it only happens when you get SUPER high on the threat meter, but I always killed a witness or paid a town crier to get my threat meter down. I would have been much more interested in some real side shit to do, aside from just the master assassin side quests.

Ezio remains one of my favorite characters ever though. The series can be something cool, but it needs to wait for the next gen of consoles, and be a more "assassin" assassin game. Less parkour, more being sneaky and killing shit. Spoilers beyond here for those that will get butthurt but seriously read it.

  Spoiler: spoilz 

The ending is like some golden god, seriously, telling you about some fucking apocalypse where only 10,000 people lived. But it's not earth, it looks like a Star Wars prequel city...and like they sent the apple to earth. And some of the people or something. So god is Thor? I don't fucking know.

GAME IS CRAZY

[Captain Russ]

All I read was "waaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh my butthurt is actin' up." Are you okay, Billicus Maximus?

(You lost me at "the tower defense game was a waste of resources" and your tidal of negativity that Snake Plissken could surf on afterward was Warrior-review-esque in its hyperbolic dislike of the game.)

Basically, everyone needs to calm the fuck down and unlock everything. Which I will as soon as I return to my eggbox.

[BillyG]

I'm not butthurt, I enjoyed the game, but it was a let down from Brotherhood. My only REAL issue with the game was the super weird pacing. The story has always been crazy as fuck, and I'm glad they went to fucking ASGARD with it. But it still makes NO SENSE at all.

Now tower defense nonsense? Yeah negative as fuck to that. I never saw it once outside of the one time I was forced into it. That's just silly.

[Captain Russ]

I honestly love that TD shit. I look forward to it everytime I buy a place and my wanted level goes into the red. Templars ain't shit. Siege engines ain't shit.