World of Warcraft...It begins again...

[Captain Russ]

How can this be?

They have fucking badges and cheevs and all sorts of distracting crap that serves no other purpose than to keep your bootycheeks firmly affixed to your gaming throne for days, weeks, months, and even years on end.

Grinding used to be completely relegated to reputations and leveling (which took forever and felt fucking earned (heirlooms? what they do?)).

I may sound like an old fuck, and I am, but this new shit terrifies me. I FEAR CHANGE.

[B_Metal]

Heirlooms, they give you bonus' for your alts. Simple really. Also we'll get off your lawn if you get with the times lol.

[Captain Russ]

I was being facetious. I know what those alt-humping gremlins do.

I prefer my basement on the hill to your hoverboards and Pepsi Free.

[B_Metal]

I was using sarcams. TAKE THAT OLD MAN!!!, Join us again Russ, you know you want to. Rexxar is where I'm at now but may transfer to Williams server if my guild keeps shitting the bed.

[Captain Russ]

I was using sarcams. TAKE THAT OLD MAN!!!, Join us again Russ, you know you want to. Rexxar is where I'm at now but may transfer to Williams server if my guild keeps shitting the bed.

I-I think I may have a problem guys.

Well, two actually.

One: I kind of want to play this horrifying timesink again.

Two: I think while I was away some AZN stole my shit.

[B_Metal]

I-I think I may have a problem guys.

Well, two actually.

One: I kind of want to play this horrifying timesink again.

Two: I think while I was away some AZN stole my shit.

1)ONE OF US, ONE OF US!
2)Ouch, contact blizzards and see what they can do, most likely nothing but it's worth checking.
3)Authenticator STAT
4)????
5)Profit

[Captain Russ]

Yeah...about that authenticator hogwash.

There's apparently one on my account already. I didn't put it there. I don't even know when the hell those things started being used (I'm ooooooooooold).

Someone is going to eat sauerkraut for this indiscretion.

[B_Metal]

Someone hijacked your account bro-ski.

[BillyG]

Yup, if you don't have one they hijack your account, put a mobile authenticator on it, and rape you blind. Get that fixed, then both you fucks come to terenas with range classes or healz kkthx.

[B_Metal]

Lulz.

Played my first PVP in Tol Barad yesterday. Got some cheeves but mostly got my ass handed to me. Horde had like 3x's as many peeps as alliance AND I need better gear but it was still pretty fun.

[Captain Russ]

Someone hijacked your account bro-ski.

Yeah.

Already being flagged for sellin' and tradin' shit in the follow-up e-mail I got this morning.

I love the accusatory tone. Super Sayanly.

[BillyG]

Goddamn 120 quests for Netherstorm loremaster motherfucker. Luckily those damn nether ray tails were almost 100% drop. I remember when they were more like 5% drop. Almost nobody did that quest.

[Captain Russ]

The Korean Authenticator is now taking an acid bath in H.H. Holmes' parlor.

Nothing was even touched on my account. Weird yet awesome.

I have created my first dog soldier.

His name is Derpman.

[BillyG]

ooooooooooomfg a 1% wipe on ascendant council which we usually fucking rolfstomp, then we hit raid time and 2 people had to bounce fuuuuuuuuuuuuck i could TASTE my legs

[V]

The name is Derpman. Hurrp Derpman. *cue Bond theme*

fixed...