STEVEN SEAGAL: LAWMAN

[Ed Hocken]

When you say huge: Do you mean height? Weight or both?

And Howard is right, Seagal can't act. Arnold has better acting ability.

[Abraham Smashington]

He's an inch or two taller than me and is built like a brickwall.

[Ed Hocken]

So a football player or as they say as a brick shithouse?

Oddly enough, my brother is also kind of built that way. Granted the guy is at 200 pounds but still.

[Abraham Smashington]

I wouldn't call him a football player, I could easily take him down being the older brother and all, but he's just a big dude. Not so much fat anymore, but just big.

[Ed Hocken]

Like a John Goodman then?

[Abraham Smashington]

John Goodman is fucking fat. My bro doesn't have a gut, he's just an imposing fella. Well he would be if you didn't know him. He's a big pansy.

[B_Metal]

Arnold can act better but can he break your arm 32 different ways without ruffling a pony tail?

[Abraham Smashington]

Seagal fucking rocked in Under Seige dammit. And Above the Law.

[B_Metal]

Seagal fucking rocked in Under Seige dammit. And Above the Law.

I loved Seagal until he went all "save teh earfs" on us. Just break bones you fat bastard!!

[Ed Hocken]

But Hard to Kill sucks ass.

[Shit Dickface]

Well he would be if you didn't know him. He's a big pansy.

I know how he feels, though I'm probably more aggressive. I always get the "MOFG DO U PLAY FOOTBALL???"

"No, I like animals and postmodern literature and indie rock and movies and videogames."

"FAGGOT!"

"...I can also squat and deadlift almost 2x my own bodyweight."

".....FAGGOT!"

[Ed Hocken]

Any time I hear something like that, I think back to the Simpsons.

"You kissed a girl. That is so gay!"

[Abraham Smashington]

Redonkulous.

[Nathan]

Who the fuck greenlit this shit?

[B_Metal]

Where he at? Where he at?

SO. MUCH. FAIL. Oh Stevie, how far you have fallen.