Shut em down!!

[V]

He looked and sounded about as sincere as a dose of the clap...

[B_Metal]

I wish Tiger just said "I'm fucking rich and can fuck anything I want. And I did. If my wife wants to leave me, she gets half my fortune. I don't have to apologize to any of you fuckers, only her." Then drop the mic and walk off the stage like Sexual Chocolate.

THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN GLORIOUS.

Yes it would have. And you know what I would have respected that more than the bullshit line reading he gave.

[BillyG]

The least he could have done is evoke Sir Charles. "I am not a role model. I never claimed to be a role model. I am the best at my sport and that's all. Stop making athletes into something they are not. Athletes lie, cheat, steal, and kill just like anyone else. If little Timmy is mad because I put my dick in something questionable, you should try being a role model instead of lazily turning me into one."

Jesus I miss athletes with balls. Even Jordan and his well known attempts to hide his infidelities and attempts to not get into politics were ballzy. Michael, why won't you speak out on this issue? "Republican buy sneakers too."

[B_Metal]

They're all to busy trying to obtain synergy between their sponsors.

[Shit Dickface]

http://www.theonion.com/content/news...nces_return_to

[B_Metal]

http://www.theonion.com/content/news...nces_return_to

Brilliant. I especially loved this part...

"When I am out there having sex, I am in complete control," said Woods, an acknowledged master of the long game who claims he is only truly at peace when he is between the legs of a woman. "It's just me and my thoughts. And a high-end escort. And the lounge dancer. And sometimes [caddie] Stevie. And probably some stewardess I just met."