If the Oscars had to happen today, it would look like this. (Forecasting Thread)

[Lisa]

It'll open in New York first and then drop off fast.

(*Rimshot!*) Thank you, thank you....

I'm not above it, I'm at Ground Zero.

(*Rimshot!*) Ohhhh, THANK you, thank you, you're a beautiful audience....

Troy Anderson, everybody! He's here all week! Two shows nightly! Be sure to tip your waitress!

Try the veal!

[Martin]

Albert Brooks, Fassbender and Tilda Swinton getting fucked over is really obnoxious.

Add Patton Oswalt to that list, Troy.

How unsurprising that Drive and Fassbender are shafter for some incredibly shitty stuff like EXTREMELY CLOSE SHIT and The Help.

Glad to see Monsieur Lazhar gets nominated, as it'S really good, but A Separation will probably win best foreign.

Too bad Dujardin will lose to a Big-Name-not-French.

[Timothy225]

I've been assaulted with commercials for Extremely Close and Incredibly Maudlin on my drive home from work. Any interest I had in this was killed when I heard Bullock's delivery of her teary "Nothing makes sense!" line. Geez, Sandy! Dial it back a bit, huh?

[Lisa]

some incredibly shitty stuff like EXTREMELY CLOSE SHIT and The Help.

I KNOW!! I mean, geeze, thank you - I was thinking it was just me. I mean, "The Help" was just really dull, and the movie didn't even nearly focus on the stories of the black housekeepers the way The Academy and the media are trying to convince us it did. It's a shame, because in a perfect world, a movie about the real stories of what it was like to be a black housekeeper in the segregated south of the early '60s should have been amazing. But instead, they missed the mark with it, and are trying to pretend it was really amazing.

Any interest I had in this was killed when I heard Bullock's delivery of her teary "Nothing makes sense!" line. Geez, Sandy! Dial it back a bit, huh?

Haha! For me, it was the Extremely Loud "HE'S GONE, OSCAR, AND HE'S NEVER COMING BACK!!!" I hate mocking my Sandy B., I just really do. Because she's 99% awesome - but sheeesh! Have some decaf, girl.

[Matt]

All I know is that the commercials make me want to hit that kid. Actually watching the film would drive me to psychotic violence.

[Lisa]

All I know is that the commercials make me want to hit that kid. Actually watching the film would drive me to psychotic violence.

I would help you. I would help you beat that child, I would.

[PHEDG]

Is the kid supposed to have autism or something? Such an annoying performance.

[Matt]

Just a precocious little fuck as far as I know.

[Matt]

I would help you. I would help you beat that child, I would.

I want to marry you more and more each day.

[Lisa]

Just a precocious little fuck as far as I know.

I can guarantee you, from the interior shots of their apartment, plus the brownstone he's standing in front of, the little fucker is from Brooklyn. And if you're from NY, that's all you need to know.

I want to marry you more and more each day.

Awww, you're sweet, but George and your Mrs. would have an issue with that! But it's nice to be loved for my child-beatin' skillz!

[Martin]

You can have a 9/11 child-beating threesome, you know...

[Lisa]

You're joining us, Martin?

[BMichaelKrol]

I now want to see this movie...

[Martin]

I'm sure that kid ain't in the towers, and if so they won't show him jump, so you shouldn't.

[Lisa]

I now want to see this movie...

Don't, really. If the trailer is any indication, it's going to be like eating all the sugar in the world until your teeth rot out, and then getting punched in the balls. Hardly the way you want to spend an evening, amiright?