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Basically, a round-up of films that did not live up to their promise, whether it be through pedigree or false advertising or, in many cases, both.
I specifically want to talk about this Summer's crop of big-budgeters, but I'm sure we can just use this as a catch all for big, dumb, disappointing films from now on.
Spoilers to follow...
Thor
The early Asgard scenes were rather good fun, especially the assault on Lauffe (Colm Feore!). But once it became Earth-bound, it never really re-gained its spark and for every enjoyable bit of Idris Elba or Kat Dennings, there was some pointless, uninspired action sequence (Hawkeye's appearance, while cool, was clearly shoe-horned in, served no purpose and broke up the pacing of an already dull action scene; the giant robot-protector thing smashing up the small town is cooler in concept than execution; the rainbow bridge finale offers nothing we haven't seen time and again, other than the bridge itself). But there is a bigger problem. Hemsworth looks the part (to an extent), but at no point did I buy him as a demi-God. Look at how much fun Captain America is, how much more relatable his character is and how much better suited to his part Chris Evans is and tell me honestly that Thor isn't the weak link going into The Avengers.
Transformers 3
I'm the guy who likes TF2, so this is not an anti-Autobot agenda i've got going here. This offered NOTHING of excitement whatsoever. The robot fights have all been done before, an interesting story concept was pretty much squandered, the siege on Chicago carried no weight (surely millions died?!) and the taking back of Chicago was devoid of drama. Its easy to say that I'm overthinking this one, but I like dumb Bay movies. Because even at their dumbest, he knows how to thrill you and show you pretty things - especially pretty things exploding. He didn't thrill me once here and the only 'pretty' thing that I ended up wanting to see explode in this film was that complete vacuum playing Shia's bitch. The film would have got a pass from me if that had happened. The most damning thing I can say about this film - I missed Megan Fox.
Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows - Part 2
So, I've never read a Potter book, and I got into the films around the time Goblet of Fire was coming out, but I watched them in order. I don't really care for the first two, I like the 3rd very much, the 4th is okay (its elevated by the addition of dragons and Ralph Fiennes) and from there on I love the rest of the films. I'd say Phoenix is just about my favourite, by virtue of Imelda Staunton's brilliant performance and what remains the finest wizard battle of the series for the climax. And so we come to HP7-2. All climax - this should have been incredible. So why did it leave me completely cold? Nary a memorable battle or emotional highlight on display and the much vaunted 'Benjamin Button' aging effects for the denouement... WHAT? Harry had a day's worth of stubble and Ron had a bit of a belly. Did I miss something? Ginny Weasly still looked 17 years old. The best thing about this film is that Neville got a moment or two to shine (he's actually one of the more fleshed out characters in the series) and Julie Walters killed a bitch. I didn't expect either of those things.
Perhaps my disappointment here is really more around the fact that the resolutions didn't satisfy me. Snape is my favourite character and, while I appreciate the architecture that went into his arc, the handling here is incredibly sloppy. Rickman upped his game like a motherfucker in Half-Blood Prince and Yates' handling of that story was expert. Here, it just felt like everything else in this film - drawn out, over-explained and slow-mo'd to the point of, yep, boredom. As in, 'Get the fuck on with it'. As far as the action goes, the only really impressive moment was blowing up the bridge to stop the marauders getting into Hogwarts. Not a crushing disappointment, but not the big bang everyone hoped for, surely. And easily the weakest of the last 4 films. If you want to dispute that, point me to one scene in this film as memorable as the Ministry finale or 'I must not tell lies' from Phoenix; the young Tom Riddle scenes, or the final 20-30 minutes of Half-Blood Prince; or the infiltration of the Ministry and the telling of the Deathly Hallows fable in Part One.
X-Men: First Class
Ok, this is a bit of a stretch, because there is a lot in this film that I love. Fassbender - nuff said. Kevin Bacon, likewise. I like the integration into real world events. I loved Lensherr running around Argentina and elsewhere hunting Nazis. In fact, the first hour of the film is pretty great. I really liked the development of Hank McCoy and his burgeoning relationship with Mystique. BUT, the other kids... awful, each of them. I didn't mind the scene where they give each other their names so much as the 'hilarious' scenes of them jumping around like 8-year-olds, or the 'goofy' training montages (not to mention the abysmal Beast design). Add into that they are largely irrelevant in the climactic battle, if not just poorly served by the filmmakers, and this should have been less First Class and more Eric and Chuck: The Early Years.
And that finale is where things really go wrong. The geography is sound, but the drama isn't all there. The intimate scenes inside Shaw's stronghold are decent - again, any scene with Fassbender or Bacon is great. But what's going on outside feels haphazard and ill-planned. And then we have stupid, throwaway gags like "Yes, I'll be losing my hair soon..." Matthew Vaughn, you are better than this. Overall, they got as much right as they got wrong. So why did this leave such a weak impression on me?
Cowboys and Aliens
Probably the biggest disappointment of the summer and the only film in about 3 years that I've walked out on. In fairness, I have sat through worse films, but in the first hour of its run-time, the film piqued my interest exactly once - when Walton Goggins told Lonergan that, "You're still my favourite". I laughed. That scene had a fun to it that the rest of the film completely lacked. Props to Ford for at least being conscious - I would pay to see him in a straight-up Western and I hope someone gives him a meaty part in one soon. The rest is a shambolic bore and a waste of some incredible talent. Firstly, this is the worst looking film Matty Libatique has ever put his name to. The lighting in the first half hour all but obscures anything of interest, any details or even action choreography. Thankfully, it largely moves into daylight and I thought maybe this would help. Nope.
Flat, unexciting action scenes follow, wasting the long line of talent. Look at this cast: Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford, Sam Rockwell, Clancy Brown, Olivia Wilde, Paul Dano, Walton Goggins, Keith Carradine... None given anything of note to do. And that's all down to its biggest failing: Orci and Kurtzmann's script. I've never got why so many people hate on these guys before, but I get it now. The turns this story takes are beyond insulting, the laziest uses of deus ex machina I've seen in a film of this standing in some time. I go into specifics on this in the other thread (link), so I won't do it again here. I have no idea how the film ends, so feel that I shouldn't really criticise it that harshly, but the fact is, I simply don't care. We deserve better for our money and we expect better from Jon Favreau and the artists working together here. Fuck this film.
Films I didn't see but my expectations are probably about right for: Hangover 2 (pointless), Bridesmaids (comedy highlight of the summer), Bad Teacher (watchable), Super 8 (fun, but uneven), The Green Lantern (messy, with moments of greatness).
And just so you don't think I'm a heartless old cynic, films I did see and liked: Fast Five, Horrible Bosses, Cappy, Apes.
Have at it, y'all.
I specifically want to talk about this Summer's crop of big-budgeters, but I'm sure we can just use this as a catch all for big, dumb, disappointing films from now on.
Spoilers to follow...
Thor
The early Asgard scenes were rather good fun, especially the assault on Lauffe (Colm Feore!). But once it became Earth-bound, it never really re-gained its spark and for every enjoyable bit of Idris Elba or Kat Dennings, there was some pointless, uninspired action sequence (Hawkeye's appearance, while cool, was clearly shoe-horned in, served no purpose and broke up the pacing of an already dull action scene; the giant robot-protector thing smashing up the small town is cooler in concept than execution; the rainbow bridge finale offers nothing we haven't seen time and again, other than the bridge itself). But there is a bigger problem. Hemsworth looks the part (to an extent), but at no point did I buy him as a demi-God. Look at how much fun Captain America is, how much more relatable his character is and how much better suited to his part Chris Evans is and tell me honestly that Thor isn't the weak link going into The Avengers.
Transformers 3
I'm the guy who likes TF2, so this is not an anti-Autobot agenda i've got going here. This offered NOTHING of excitement whatsoever. The robot fights have all been done before, an interesting story concept was pretty much squandered, the siege on Chicago carried no weight (surely millions died?!) and the taking back of Chicago was devoid of drama. Its easy to say that I'm overthinking this one, but I like dumb Bay movies. Because even at their dumbest, he knows how to thrill you and show you pretty things - especially pretty things exploding. He didn't thrill me once here and the only 'pretty' thing that I ended up wanting to see explode in this film was that complete vacuum playing Shia's bitch. The film would have got a pass from me if that had happened. The most damning thing I can say about this film - I missed Megan Fox.
Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows - Part 2
So, I've never read a Potter book, and I got into the films around the time Goblet of Fire was coming out, but I watched them in order. I don't really care for the first two, I like the 3rd very much, the 4th is okay (its elevated by the addition of dragons and Ralph Fiennes) and from there on I love the rest of the films. I'd say Phoenix is just about my favourite, by virtue of Imelda Staunton's brilliant performance and what remains the finest wizard battle of the series for the climax. And so we come to HP7-2. All climax - this should have been incredible. So why did it leave me completely cold? Nary a memorable battle or emotional highlight on display and the much vaunted 'Benjamin Button' aging effects for the denouement... WHAT? Harry had a day's worth of stubble and Ron had a bit of a belly. Did I miss something? Ginny Weasly still looked 17 years old. The best thing about this film is that Neville got a moment or two to shine (he's actually one of the more fleshed out characters in the series) and Julie Walters killed a bitch. I didn't expect either of those things.
Perhaps my disappointment here is really more around the fact that the resolutions didn't satisfy me. Snape is my favourite character and, while I appreciate the architecture that went into his arc, the handling here is incredibly sloppy. Rickman upped his game like a motherfucker in Half-Blood Prince and Yates' handling of that story was expert. Here, it just felt like everything else in this film - drawn out, over-explained and slow-mo'd to the point of, yep, boredom. As in, 'Get the fuck on with it'. As far as the action goes, the only really impressive moment was blowing up the bridge to stop the marauders getting into Hogwarts. Not a crushing disappointment, but not the big bang everyone hoped for, surely. And easily the weakest of the last 4 films. If you want to dispute that, point me to one scene in this film as memorable as the Ministry finale or 'I must not tell lies' from Phoenix; the young Tom Riddle scenes, or the final 20-30 minutes of Half-Blood Prince; or the infiltration of the Ministry and the telling of the Deathly Hallows fable in Part One.
X-Men: First Class
Ok, this is a bit of a stretch, because there is a lot in this film that I love. Fassbender - nuff said. Kevin Bacon, likewise. I like the integration into real world events. I loved Lensherr running around Argentina and elsewhere hunting Nazis. In fact, the first hour of the film is pretty great. I really liked the development of Hank McCoy and his burgeoning relationship with Mystique. BUT, the other kids... awful, each of them. I didn't mind the scene where they give each other their names so much as the 'hilarious' scenes of them jumping around like 8-year-olds, or the 'goofy' training montages (not to mention the abysmal Beast design). Add into that they are largely irrelevant in the climactic battle, if not just poorly served by the filmmakers, and this should have been less First Class and more Eric and Chuck: The Early Years.
And that finale is where things really go wrong. The geography is sound, but the drama isn't all there. The intimate scenes inside Shaw's stronghold are decent - again, any scene with Fassbender or Bacon is great. But what's going on outside feels haphazard and ill-planned. And then we have stupid, throwaway gags like "Yes, I'll be losing my hair soon..." Matthew Vaughn, you are better than this. Overall, they got as much right as they got wrong. So why did this leave such a weak impression on me?
Cowboys and Aliens
Probably the biggest disappointment of the summer and the only film in about 3 years that I've walked out on. In fairness, I have sat through worse films, but in the first hour of its run-time, the film piqued my interest exactly once - when Walton Goggins told Lonergan that, "You're still my favourite". I laughed. That scene had a fun to it that the rest of the film completely lacked. Props to Ford for at least being conscious - I would pay to see him in a straight-up Western and I hope someone gives him a meaty part in one soon. The rest is a shambolic bore and a waste of some incredible talent. Firstly, this is the worst looking film Matty Libatique has ever put his name to. The lighting in the first half hour all but obscures anything of interest, any details or even action choreography. Thankfully, it largely moves into daylight and I thought maybe this would help. Nope.
Flat, unexciting action scenes follow, wasting the long line of talent. Look at this cast: Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford, Sam Rockwell, Clancy Brown, Olivia Wilde, Paul Dano, Walton Goggins, Keith Carradine... None given anything of note to do. And that's all down to its biggest failing: Orci and Kurtzmann's script. I've never got why so many people hate on these guys before, but I get it now. The turns this story takes are beyond insulting, the laziest uses of deus ex machina I've seen in a film of this standing in some time. I go into specifics on this in the other thread (link), so I won't do it again here. I have no idea how the film ends, so feel that I shouldn't really criticise it that harshly, but the fact is, I simply don't care. We deserve better for our money and we expect better from Jon Favreau and the artists working together here. Fuck this film.
Films I didn't see but my expectations are probably about right for: Hangover 2 (pointless), Bridesmaids (comedy highlight of the summer), Bad Teacher (watchable), Super 8 (fun, but uneven), The Green Lantern (messy, with moments of greatness).
And just so you don't think I'm a heartless old cynic, films I did see and liked: Fast Five, Horrible Bosses, Cappy, Apes.
Have at it, y'all.
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