Remakes: Totally Missing the Point or Transcending Them Sources?

[Captain Russ]

No Dynamo, no Professor Subzero, and no Dawson.

No deal.

And Gerry Butler has wasted his latent homoerotic action hero card™ on romcom shitbagwankery.

[Abraham Smashington]

True. Fuck it, snatch up SMASH TV rights, make that shit..

[V]

So, who's playing Matrix? Bennet? Jenny? Sully? Nobody, NOBODY, can replace David Patrick Kelly as Sully, Fox!

Channing Tatum IS John Matrix!

Taylor Lautner IS Bennett!

I am staying HOME!

[Captain Russ]

*remembers the arcade cabinet*

...I'm listening...

[Timothy225]

Channing Tatum IS John Matrix!

Taylor Lautner IS Bennett!

I am staying HOME!

Oh, well, shit, if we're fancasting...

Shaggy2Dope IS John Matrix!

Violent J IS Bennett!

Rob IS on line already for this epic remake, yo!

[Captain Russ]

A magnet is his daughter.

HOW SHE WORK

[Matt]

I want Vin Diesel to play Bennett in full-on homoerotic mode.

[V]

I want Vin Diesel to play Bennett in full-on homoerotic mode.

I'm in...

I'll wear a chain-mail jockstrap, and pierce my nips.

[Ed Hocken]

Channing Tatum IS John Matrix!

Taylor Lautner IS Bennett!

I am staying HOME!

That's it, I'm done!

*Eats gun*

[Abraham Smashington]

I want Vin Diesel to star in a remake of Double Impact.

[Matt]

MUST HAVE STEEL DRUM CALYPSO MUSIC OR FAIL.

[Abraham Smashington]

The whole soundtrack will be nothing but top 40 redone with steel drum.

[Captain Russ]

I want Vin Diesel to star in a remake of Double Impact.

And one of them must have a jherri curl mullet like Razor Ramon.

[Captain Russ]

The whole soundtrack will be nothing but top 40 redone with steel drum.

Nickleback with a steel drum?

That might actually help...

*hides shame at the thought's inception*

[Matt]

Bennett needs to be that lead singer guy from Right Said Fred.