New movies undeserving of their own thread - KILLED BY RYAN REYNOLDS

[Matt]

news reporters giving the audience live feeds and shit.

- Now, reporting from the field, we go live to Trish McWhorebody.
- Bob, I'm in Manhattan, where the latest battle is taking place.
- Trish, what are you seeing?
- Well, it's kinda bizarre. The army got on the scene about 15 minutes ago and, for some reason, they are completely incapable of hitting a target with their weaponry.
- What do you mean?
- I mean...really, yeah. They're shooting into the swarm of chimps, orangs, gibbons, and so forth...they aren't hitting any of them. The apes, armed with sticks and primitive weapons, are scaring the hell out of these immaculately trained soldiers. They are completely ignoring their years worth of training and giving up to the smaller, primitive army.
- Wow...that's simply...unbelievable.
- Indeed it is, Bob. Here is some taped footage from 5 minutes ago:

(cut to a scene of the apes using various soldier helmets as drums, chanting YUB YUB)

- Again, it defies any logic, Bob. We should be mopping the floor with these apes. Oh well, time to run for the hills, I guess.

[Abraham Smashington]

I'm just saying that if a pack of silverback gorillas came charging at you and you have a pistol, there is no way in fuck you're killing them all. Those fuckers would tear you to pieces. People don't get this anal about zombie flicks and gorillas are scarier/stronger than zombies.

[BillyG]

Know how I would defeat them? I would get out my fucking Dual Shock, activate the mind control helmets, and net those fuckers.

[Timothy225]

No argument here, Rob, as your theory is sound and logical. However, I'd just hope that it wouldn't be one guy with a pistol trying to save us all from the approaching gorilla horde.

"SWEET MOTHER OF HOCKEN! It's all Congo up in here! Look at those gorillas! There's gotta be a half-dozen of 'em and they're chasing the Williams boy!"
"Oh, shit! They've seen us, they've - WAIT! Look, it's Vin! He's such a nice boy! And I think... yes, he's got a gun!"
"Yes! Go get 'em, Vin, Go... oh, SHIT! SHIT!!! One of the gorillas got past... VIN! OH, NO! VIN!!!"
"They... they tore his head off! THEY TORE HIS HEAD OFF!"
"FUCK! What do we do... WAIT! It's Tim! He's.. what the hell is... he's got a pan and BROOM? What the hell is he going to do with a... TIM! WAIT!"
"He's dropped the pan and broom - he's running away! Tim! TIM! FUCK YOU, TIM, I am SO neg repping you for... OH, FUCK ME! They're coming!"
"Run! RUNNNN!!!!"

[Matt]

I'm just saying that if a pack of silverback gorillas came charging at you and you have a pistol, there is no way in fuck you're killing them all. Those fuckers would tear you to pieces. People don't get this anal about zombie flicks and gorillas are scarier/stronger than zombies.

Apes exist in the real world and are quantifiable. Zombies don't, and you can make up whatever 'rules' that you want about them.

I agree that a bunch of silverback gorillas would tear you apart if given the chance, and that one or two soldiers armed with pistols wouldn't be able to stop them all before getting overwhelmed. Give me a platoon of soldiers kitted out for battle and we're talking another story, though.

[Abraham Smashington]

So the army would be on standby in case of an ape take over? I want in on that detail.

[Matt]

So the army would be on standby in case of an ape take over? I want in on that detail.

Some of them, yes. The rest are preparing to deploy for the great Lemur war.

[Nathan]

the great Lemur war.

Don't even kid about such things.

[Timothy225]

What Nathan said. I'm still getting nightmares from the great Marmoset invasion of '98.

[PHEDG]

1. They're not gorillas, they're chimps.
2. If they can make and use tools, can then then learn to fire weapons, and fly helicopters.
3. Will they at anytime speak?
4. Will there be human sympathizer apes?
5. This definitely has potential if they stick by the rules.

edit: I didn't realize there was another page to this thread.

[Matt]

Good GOD, the reviews coming out for 'Atlas Shrugged part 1' are pretty hilarious. I can see this thing getting 0% on RT.

[Abraham Smashington]

Female villain in 'Man of Steel'...


hmmms

[V]

Good GOD, the reviews coming out for 'Atlas Shrugged part 1' are pretty hilarious. I can see this thing getting 0% on RT.

Umm... well. See? Here's the thing.

[Abraham Smashington]

Cockneys vs Zombies....

IS THAT BRICKTOP? OMG IT IS.

[Ed Hocken]

So it's "GOIN ROUND RE RO" with zombies?