SHITE SCI FI

[Captain Russ]

HOLOGRAM MAN.

Back in the day, there was this, Fist of the North Star starring Gary Daniels, Nemesis II: Nebula and that Henriksen/Kristofferson movie about cyborg knights (Knights?) that occupied the 2 AM slot.

Terrible night owl cable TV was my surrogate father.

[V]

Fist of the North Star starring Gary Daniels,

I own this on disc.

I feel no personal shame in admitting it either.

[Nathan]

No Escape rules.

[Ed Hocken]

Man's Best Friend

You're welcome, America.

[Captain Russ]

Goddammit. I'm still waiting on some sort of articulation of Rob the Robo-Honkey's points as to what stood out as good, fun, or just bizarrely enjoyable about No Escape.

I want this to become the Sci Fi version of Igg's horror threads. And Ed, choose one of these fine films you've listed AND seen and tell me why you liked it/hated it as well.

None of this Panda bullshit of "eye likes whut eye likes" will be accepted. Not by Vulva, not by ANYONE.

[Ed Hocken]

I'm sorry Russ, I tend to avoid this horseshit in the theater.

Except for the time I watched SOLO with Mario Van Peebles as the military cyborg who learns LOVE!

Now will I point out that SOLDIER does not belong on this list.

[Captain Russ]

I assure you, I rarely caught many of the films under scrutiny in the theatre. Home video was the main source. Except for No Escape, Virtuosity, and several others.

And Soldier absolutely belongs here.

It is one of the freaks in the scifi carnival/traveling medicine show. This is where he belongs.

[Timothy225]

(cracks knuckles) I've got a couple -

Looker - the flick itself is pretty meh, but they did predict digital scanning, corporations trying to manipulate the public, and we also got some naked-with-no-clothes-on Susan (Lori Partridge) Dey being digitally scanned and stuff. And Albert Finney rocking a light/hypno gun.

Ice Pirates - Robert Urich, what the FUCK were you thinking? Loathed the scenes where the "time dilation" meant fucking with film speeds, long before Zach Snyder and 300, Watchmen, etc.

Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone - C'mon, Molly Ringwald AND Michael Ironside? Hot chicks in space skivvies? How the hell could this miss? Alas, it does, and by a galactic mile. Similar to Ice Pirates in it's campiness, it's almost embarrasing to watch this... mess. Not even a cyborg Ironside as the Overdog attempting to suck out Ringwald's life force (and not in a fun way) could save this.

I'm half expecting Vin to do a "Now see here, Tim..." for this last flick, but definitely not Ironside's proudest role. He did redeem himself in V, though, so there's a nice bit of meta there.

[V]

I'm half expecting Vin to do a "Now see here, Tim..." for this last flick, but definitely not Ironside's proudest role. He did redeem himself in V, though, so there's a nice bit of meta there.

I will do no such thing. I agree with you completely.

Whatever happened to Peter Strauss anyway?

[Nathan]

(cracks knuckles) I
Ice Pirates - Robert Urich, what the FUCK were you thinking? Loathed the scenes where the "time dilation" meant fucking with film speeds, long before Zach Snyder and 300, Watchmen, etc.

SPACE HERPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Matt]

Virtuosity.

Freejack.

Cyborg.

Trancers.

Here we tear apart these and the other scifi genre films of yesteryear.

Or fall to the knees in silent worship of them.

Or be completely uncreative mouthbreathers without any fucking constructive input and just type MEH out and go about our day, fapping to Golden Girls. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE

I'll start out with the first example I tossed out there: Virtuosity.

Here's a movie that seems to have at one time or another actually had something going for it. Granted, the entire premise is ridiculous, but the cast was decent (even though Denzel seemed to just be sleepwalking through much of it).

The plot is pretty cut and dry, and it really harkens back to the days of the Selleck/Simmonsing in Runaway, at least as far as the ridiculousness of it all goes. Apologies to fans of that movie, as it definitely belongs to part of this discussion.

The narrative unfortunately is all over the place, with certain key elements discarded without any other mention of them, as well as completely random and unexplained character motivations. If there had been less devotion to showcasing a fucking UFC match (if you can call a bunch of dudes in the octagon doing a random sparring session a match) and more time to building the world and its characters (especially Kevin J. O'Connor, The Fichtner, and the dude who lets Sid out), it would have been much more than what it was.

The effects are jawdroppingly terrible, but I like to believe that that is the whole point, especially in showcasing VR and the hilariously unrealistic heights some pinned on the tech at the time. It is obviously a product of its time, but in a fantastically flawed way. Just look at any time that Sid has to regenerate. HE FUCKING CHEWS ON GLASS LIKE M&M'S.

And with that, there is the elephant in the thread. An elephant molded out of a metric ton of ham (that had not yet been eaten by) in Russell Crowe. Fucking hell, what a cartoon. Every moment he is on the screen, he's a latter-day Aussie John Travolta. The walking id schtick worked though, and if anything can be salvaged from the mess that this movie ultimately became, it is Crowe and his performance. Sid 6.7 is the La Vie En Rose of psychopathic VR programs made flesh.

Unfortunately, his foil in Denzel Washington is so fucking boring and grimdark, that there it is basically The Sid Show the entire time. The fundamental problem here is in the weakness of the writing. At the best of times, there is a balance between the maniac and the stoic hero, but here it just seems like one guy showed up to work with a fully-realized persona to utilize from frame one, and the other one just woke up from a Thanksgiving nap and was handed some cue cards from a discarded SNL sketch to read off of. I don't fault Denzel for not giving a shit. Parker Barnes is as 2-D as a Megaman sprite. His backstory is ill-conceived with an even worse execution. Oh, he had a wife and kid at some point? Well, you don't get to see them until the flashback later on. Good call, writerman. The main motivation of his character is in their deaths at the hand of a maniac who know is a part of the personality of Sid 6.7. Sadly, it's buried under so much other stupid bullshit that no one cares about it, and the most empathy that is thrown at the audience is for the dude at the nightclub who gets his purple suit stolen.

There is a world where Ford Fairlane fought Sid 6.7. And that is the theatre in which I want to be right now.

Films such as these, where moments/characters/and especially ideas that intrigue are hidden in the detritus of the rest of the run time, are things to cherish and/or ridicule mercilessly.

In Virtuosity's case, it's a bit of both for me. Definitely a movie to watch drunk on a lazy afternoon.

I talked about 'Virtuosity' in the B-Action thread over at DERP. Moltisanti pulled up some old articles about it (I think it was an article that came out around 'American Gangster, when Denzel and Russell were reminiscing about 'Virtuosity'). What I remember from the article:

- Denzel only did the film because one of his children thought it would be 'cool'.
- About midway through filming, Denzel approached Russell and told him that he wished that he had taken the Sid 6.7 role...it looked like Russell was having WAAAY too much fun playing the character.

TERRIBLE film.

also: 'No Escape' is a GREAT movie. No embarrassment at all in loving that film. It's a generic film made great by pitch-perfect casting, excellent production design, flawless pacing, and above-average direction. It's much much MUCH better than it ever should have been.

[Matt]

Also:

'Yor: Hunter from the Future'
'Gor'

[Matt]

Also, 'Damnation Alley' is a very guilty pleasure.

[Nathan]

also: 'No Escape' is a GREAT movie. No embarrassment at all in loving that film. It's a generic film made great by pitch-perfect casting, excellent production design, flawless pacing, and above-average direction. It's much much MUCH better than it ever should have been.

Nice. Was trying to put that into words. Hit the nail on the head I think.

[Timothy225]

I will do no such thing. I agree with you completely.

Whatever happened to Peter Strauss anyway?

He was doing voice over work for awhile (Biker Mice from Mars anyone?), Played the President in XXX2 (Ice Cube is no Vin Diesel. Just sayin'.), and popped up on a TV series here and there.