What Emmanuelle Movie Did You Just Watch?

[Abraham Smashington]

4 is the beginning of the end for MTV Freddy. Series peaked with 3. 4 has some fun kills but Freddy is full on stand up comic is this one. 5 is the WORST. Freddy's Dead is a cartoon but Carlos's death is still one of my favorite.

FvJ is fucking awesome IF you fast forward to the final battle. Kelly Rowland's "faggot" line was terrible in 2003 and is even fucking worst now.

The remake WAS A WASTED OPPORTUNITY to do something different with actually playing with the character/mythos but instead didn't and is worthless. Shit kills, dumb characters, meh. I was legit ANGRY in the theater with that one.

The documentary is fucking amazing.

[BillyG]

I watched the documentary when it came out, but looking forward to watching it again. I am most excited to really watched New Nightmare.

[Matt]

Rob: did you like THE THREE MUSKETEERS?

[Abraham Smashington]

This weekend I watched 2 Paul W.S. Anderson movies. TWO OF THEM.

The Three Musketeers. I ended up digging this a whole bunch and the only reason it floundered at all was when Milla Jovovich was on screen doing anything. Had she not been a part of the cast this would have been almost the perfect weekend movie. The kid playing D'Artagnan was a bit miscast compared to his fellow Musketeers as well but everyone else was on point. Had no idea Mads was in this and man I want a whole movie where he plays a swashbuckler and looks just like he does in this. Perfect. Christoph Waltz was great as the Cardinal and Bloom was campy as fuck. The King was probably my favorite. That kid was so goofy. Overall, a bunch of fucking fun and totally bummed we're not getting a sequel.

Monster Hunter. Sidenote - I love the games this is based on so take this with a grain of a salt. I kind of loved this movie even if it just sets up a sequel we'll never get. Anderson's insistence that his wife is in everything is still a detriment to his movies and this one is no exception. As this game is all about crazy airships, giant cats that cook, ridiculous anime characters and giant monsters, the first 30 mins are a bit rough as we're just hanging out with Milla and her army squad being Michael Bay'ey which slightly turned me off but then the craziness kicks in. All of her team are wiped out in horrific ways by some truly horrific monsters (seriously, there is a like 20 min scene in an underground spider/scorpion lair that was creepy as FUCK) before meeting up with Tony Jaa in full on awesome Monster Hunter gear. The rest of the movie is basically Enemy Mine where these two are enemies due to language barrier but who both have the same goal of killing a giant monster in between them and their goal. The montage where we see him training her is so 90s and so great. The monster fights are ridiculous and I was resigned to the fact that only the first few minutes would be true Monster Hunter but then the movie is all like "HEY, WAIT, WE HAVE 25 MINS LEFT SO LET'S GO FULL VIDEO GAME" and Ron Perlman and a giant cat and giant weapons and ridiculousness happens and it's glorious. Highly recommend it if you have a passing interest in the video game OR giant monster movies in general.

Can't believe I made it through two "new" Paul W.S. Anderson flicks this weekend and enjoyed them.

[Abraham Smashington]

Greenland. Checked this out last night as I wanted something new and wanted to watch a disaster movie. Man, this is one tense and stressful fucking disaster flick. Gerard Butler is great, Scott Glenn showing up was nice, and the ending was on point in my opinion. If a giant meteor or asteroid is ever going to hit and scientists are all like "it'll be fine!", don't believe them. At all.

[BillyG]

Saint Maud

This is the movie that covid really fucked up for Sarah and I. We were over the moon hype based on the trailers for this. Glad we finally saw it. It's a weird movie, and not the straight horror film the trailers are cut to look at. It's a solid thriller/drama digging into religion and mental illness. It's definitely tense, and there is zero chance the director didn't watch a LOT of Twin Peaks before filming it. The way the house is filmed, and eventually the shitty poor depressing as fuck beach town, has a lot of Twin Peaks vibes. It cannot be overstated how incredibly sad the town is, like holy shit Britain you got some sad fucking beaches. Overall, I dug it a lot, but prepare for a movie that really takes its time and know that it's not going to have scares like the trailer implies.

I also got to teach Sarah about the very real Catholic practice of making people pray while kneeling on rice. She thought I was lying until a friend also raised Catholic confirmed it.

[Matt]

Greenland. Checked this out last night as I wanted something new and wanted to watch a disaster movie. Man, this is one tense and stressful fucking disaster flick. Gerard Butler is great, Scott Glenn showing up was nice, and the ending was on point in my opinion. If a giant meteor or asteroid is ever going to hit and scientists are all like "it'll be fine!", don't believe them. At all.

I've heard really good things on this one. I'm waiting for it to get cheap so I can buy it.

Glad you liked THE THREE MUSKETEERS. I personally didn't have a problem with Milla Jovovich (her role was comparatively small) and I thought Logan Lerman was great as D'artagnon, even if he did look like Jennifer Aniston. He's a solid actor and was convincing in the sword scenes. What a damned fun movie.

And YES...I totally want a pirate movie with Mads. Not sure if it's his background as a dancer or what but he was a lot of fun to physically watch in the swordplay scenes.

[B_Metal]

Greenland. Checked this out last night as I wanted something new and wanted to watch a disaster movie. Man, this is one tense and stressful fucking disaster flick. Gerard Butler is great, Scott Glenn showing up was nice, and the ending was on point in my opinion. If a giant meteor or asteroid is ever going to hit and scientists are all like "it'll be fine!", don't believe them. At all.

I'll have to check this one out, I've almost watched it like 4 times.

[Abraham Smashington]

The Long Kiss Goodnight. I remember digging this movie back in the day but now it's kind of a slog to get through. Some great performances from Geena Davis and Sam L but it overstays its welcome by about 25 minutes.

Also, remember Craig Bierko? Let's make Craig Bierko a thing again.

[Matt]

I still like that movie but yeah, it feels like it could use an edit.

Love Jackson in it. His speech to the guy at the beginning is great. 'Are you an assfucking fan?'

[Captain Russ]

Also, remember Craig Bierko? Let's make Craig Bierko a thing again.

Peppermint schnapps remembers.

Shame about him having a character actor name, he had the makings of a varsity athlete.

[Matt]

he was great in CINDERALLA MAN as Max Baer.

[Ingrid]

Late to the party: The Impossible. Simultaneously the most heartbreaking and uplifting stories I’ve watched in a long time. I would recommend checking it out if you haven’t already.

It’s been on my Netflix queue for months but I’m bad about just rewatching The Good Place or The Crown repeatedly.

[Matt]

THE AGE OF INNOCENCE (1993). One of the Scorsese films on my list that I simply never got around to seeing. Very good.

[Captain Russ]

Disappointment raises its ugly, malformed head once again.

The Dark and The Wicked. If you enjoyed the nihilism of the director’s other well known film The Strangers where the viewpoint is at all times one of suffering and chaos without absolution or transformation for the characters, then you’ll love this. I’d not be so disappointed had there been a more fleshed out story as what is there as a bare bones concept has been done before in other films and I had hoped it would be spinning that same thread to its own successful ends (how we process grief and the loss of family, estrangement and how it entangles that grieving process with unresolved issues, the illogical coping methods that require delusion to move through tragic circumstance, etc.). But unfortunately, the lack of information and the contrived logic (or lack thereof) of the narrative and some character choices keep the viewer at too much of a distance to come away from the experience with anything other than “life is pain, monstrous entities destroy those you love and what is worse is they have no end to their influence or appetite and you too will go crying in the night.”

Sometimes horror for the sake of it leaves me empty and dissatisfied. This is one of those films. Not to be entirely negative, as it had a lot of the early runtime’s effectiveness in its favor but the underwritten or purposefully obfuscated story elements leave a half-formed film idea that needed more time to gestate.