What Emmanuelle Movie Did You Just Watch?

[Abraham Smashington]

As Above So Below.

Mehhhhhhhhhhhhhh. One decent scare in the whole thing. I'm usually a fan of found footage (even terrible ones) but this was just so mehhhhh. Neat idea, terrible execution.

[Matt]

Troy: when does the embargo end for reviews on 50SoG? I'm dying to hear how bad it is.

[FilmNerdJamie]

I think they go up tomorrow?

[Abraham Smashington]

TMNT. I cannot wait for the sequel. I still really enjoy this movie.

Guardians of the Galaxy - Watched an hour before bed last night. I'm still so happy for James Gunn.

[Abraham Smashington]

Jupiter Ascending. I fucking loved this. So much. It's was much weirder than I thought it was going to be and I loved that it didn't explain half of the weird shit in the movie. Oh, dinosaur gargoyle bodyguards? Cool. Weird cyberpunk bounty hunters that look to belong to an old Sega Cd game? Cool. Eddie Redmayne (creepiest motherfucker in a long time) whispering all of his lines for no real reason? Cool.

The greys were dope, Channing Jet Grinding all over the place was fucking amazing, Stinger and his background was great, and that bureaucratic scene were all great.

Was it perfect? Fuck no. Was it fun to watch? Fuck yes. It's a Disney movie with crazy effects and a budget.

[Abraham Smashington]

Nightcrawler. Jakey G plays an alien trying to be human. Would watch again.

[Matt]

KINGSMAN: THE SECRET SERVICE

Good, not great. I wasn't engaged by any of the characters. Nobody has an arc that you can really engage with, even the main character. In KICK-ASS, there were 4 interesting characters who all had fleshed out stories to give the film stakes to engage with. Here, there's nothing...they're all likable, but that's it. There's a scene where a major character dies that doesn't really have an impact on the film...it just happens, and the story moves into the third act. Compare that to the scene where Big Daddy dies in KICK-ASS and you have emotional weight that carries into the third act. It's that lack of engagement that keeps me from loving the film.

At the same time, the film goes completely bonkers once that character dies. I mean that in a good way, believe me. It's a complete free-for-all that becomes incredibly fun in a Looney-Tunes kinda way.

The (almost) final shot of a Swedish princess's bare ass is kinda the perfect way to end a movie.

Recommended, but lower your expectations a bit.

50 SHADES OF GREY

Not as bad as I thought it was going to be, mainly due to the fact that Dakota Johnson is really, REALLY fucking good in this. This is a star making gig and she totally goes for it. The strength of her performance carried me through the entire film and kept me engaged enough to actually care about her and her arc.

I didn't have the problem with Jamie Dorman that a lot of people seem to have. He's bland, but to me that fit the character as it's portrayed within the film itself. He's repressed and maintains control, and I can totally see how such a persona would create a cold fish in real life, so yeah...no issues there. That said, Max Martini (who played Grey's driver) would have made for a better Grey. At least, that's what my wife said.

The rest of the cast? Irrelevant. They're poorly defined and, in some cases, poorly acted. A bunch of no names for the most part, and they won't be finding additional work based upon their efforts here.

How's the sex? Not bad, mainly due to the fact that Dakota Johnson is gorgeous and sells all of it with 100% conviction. Some of the bondage stuff is so restrained from what it could be that it actually ends up being pretty humorous.

I wouldn't recommend bothering to see it in a theater, but it's worth seeing at some point (in my opinion).

[B_Metal]

Jupiter Ascending. I fucking loved this. So much. It's was much weirder than I thought it was going to be and I loved that it didn't explain half of the weird shit in the movie. Oh, dinosaur gargoyle bodyguards? Cool. Weird cyberpunk bounty hunters that look to belong to an old Sega Cd game? Cool. Eddie Redmayne (creepiest motherfucker in a long time) whispering all of his lines for no real reason? Cool.

The greys were dope, Channing Jet Grinding all over the place was fucking amazing, Stinger and his background was great, and that bureaucratic scene were all great.

Was it perfect? Fuck no. Was it fun to watch? Fuck yes. It's a Disney movie with crazy effects and a budget.

Sounds worthy

Nightcrawler. Jakey G plays an alien trying to be human. Would watch again.

Pretty accurate description

[gravedigger]

Matt, a comedian I follow on Twitter couldn't stop talking about the sex jeans in 50 SHADES. I guess Grey has a special pair of jeans he puts on to let the viewer know he's in sex mode or something? Is it as ridiculous as it sounds?

[Matt]

Matt, a comedian I follow on Twitter couldn't stop talking about the sex jeans in 50 SHADES. I guess Grey has a special pair of jeans he puts on to let the viewer know he's in sex mode or something? Is it as ridiculous as it sounds?

In one of the sex scenes, he puts on a pair of ripped up jeans. I only really noticed it once the scene ended and he carries her out of the room...in that moment, you could see that they were ripped up. I didn't find it to be anything to get up in arms about, in all honesty. I didn't notice if he wore those jeans in the other encounters...I was too busy looking at Dakota Johnson's gorgeous body.

[gravedigger]

She was hung up on the fact the guy wears fancy suits all day but puts on a ripped up pair of jeans for Quality Time. Anyway...

JOHN WICK- holy crap.

[Abraham Smashington]

GUYS GO SEE JUPITER.

[Trejo]

Colin Firth. Freebird.

Fucking WOW

[Martin]

GUYS GO SEE JUPITER.

Will do. Sunday!

[IggytheBorg]

Rewatched An American Werewolf in London. I haven't seen this since the 80's, when it came out on VHS. I was curious as to how well it'd hold up. The acting was mediocre at best, and the editing made the film seem kind of clipped rushed and incomplete. The creature effects weren't good, but the transformation effects are just as good now as they were when this film was first released. The scene with the victims haranguing David in the porn theatre is still awesome.