What Emmanuelle Movie Did You Just Watch?

[Abraham Smashington]

Premium Rush.

This is the HACKERS of the bike messenger flicks. Like it's not offensive and if I had watched this when I was 15 I would be training to be a bike messenger. I swear this script was written back when Puck was big on the Real World and it just sat in a drawer for 15 years. JGL was JGL but this time he was riding bikes. Michael Shannon was doing something but I'm not sure it was acting. His character was all over the fucking place. The "chase" scenes were terrible and boring.

BUT.

The best thing about this movie was JGL's "super power" of being able to slow down time to find the perfect route for his bike and seeing all of the bad routes. Watching him Meet Joe Black a bunch of cars was hilarious but didn't happen nearly enough.

[B_Metal]

Yeah, that death-o-vision was the shit.

[Captain Russ]

That sounds hilarious.

[Abraham Smashington]

This movie would have killed in the 80's. It felt like a bigger budget Gleaming the Cube.

[B_Metal]

This movie would have killed in the 80's. It felt like a bigger budget Gleaming the Cube.

Perfect summation.

[Captain Russ]

Sis used to be a courier. This will make a wonderful gag gift. I'd forgotten all about it until now.

[Abraham Smashington]

The Wolverine. More like The Nothing Really Happens and Why Do I Give a Shit Until the End Credit Scene.

Maybe I just wasn't in the mood (or too drunk) but I just did not care for this movie at all. Hugh was going through the motions, the fight scenes were eh, and the Silver Samurai was silly as fuck. Viper was fucking pointless, the red head Asian's eyes were way too far apart on her head and she looked like that girl from the PS2 commercial that Chris Cunningham directed which was distracting as fuck.

The ninja scene was ok but was way too short but I did dig the train fight.

But that credit scene? Aces. Maybe I would have dug the movie a bit more if there were characters in it that I actually cared about. I dunno, but it was pretty meh to me.

[Captain Russ]

So you're saying you didn't like it?

[Abraham Smashington]

I honestly don't know.

[Abraham Smashington]

I was disappointed that I bought it though. So yeah, I didn't like it enough to be happy with my purchase.

[Captain Russ]

That's on you. Buying a superhero movie is as dangerous as buying a Kate Hudson movie that isn't Almost Famous.

[Captain Russ]

All I can think of now is what if Franco were Logan, and then the hypotheticals begin and end with "If he did, I'd hope he plays him as a crazy wild hobo screaming 'Look at my shit!' to no one as he returns to his mountainside hovel."

[Timothy225]

Franco? Bah. Alex Ross pegged it way back when...

[Captain Russ]

Fuck naw. That dude is Puck.

[IggytheBorg]

THAT. ^