What Emmanuelle Movie Did You Just Watch?

[Ben Thomas]

Saw a midnight screening of The Raid last night.

Just got back from seeing it again.

Questions?

[Bobby Bear]

Is it better than Summer School? Because I have to say, I watched it this morning and I'm already hankering for seconds (Chainsaw should have had his own show.)

[Captain Russ]

Is it better than Summer School? Because I have to say, I watched it this morning and I'm already hankering for seconds (Chainsaw should have had his own show.)

He did get his own Ski School.

[PHEDG]

Is it better than Summer School? Because I have to say, I watched it this morning and I'm already hankering for seconds (Chainsaw should have had his own show.)

Synchronicity. I recently posted a song from that in the "Listening To Movie/Game Scores" thread.

[Ben Thomas]

Wow, Summer School takes me back. Back to a time when I thought Mark Harmon was cool.

And Ski School - all I remember about that was the voiceover for the trailer: 'Ski School - it's not about learning how to ski'.

ETA: My memory rocks

[Matt]

SUMMER SCHOOL was a good one. That hot European chic that joins the class......oh yes.

[Captain Russ]

I know her by another name.

Alotta.

Alotta Fagina.

[Matt]

Was that her name in that? It's neen at least 20 years since my last viewing.

[Captain Russ]

John Carter.


What started out as a sort of pulp adventure story quickly became nonsensical greenscreen tripe masquerading as an adventure film.

The lack of build to certain scenes were incredibly strange, confusing, and needlessly long. My favorite example is John's rampage through the martians, where the editing serves to associate his savage destruction of this alien race (a rival tribe to Tars', which up until then, no one is told about) to the Native Americans that killed his family (not actually said, but implied, and again, the idiots who see movies NEED IT SPELLED OUT FOR THEM ON A FILM WITH A BUDGET THIS BIG). It was about as overt and simultaneously obtuse as could be, and the slaughter of computerized models was about as dramatic of a moment as a popcorn fart in the wind. Which brings me to the main issue of the whole thing:

it was a beautifully rendered thing, Barsoom. But I couldn't give a fuck about any of it. It's the curse of the green screen world. Where nothing is real, you know it isn't real, and at every frame change, it reminds you again, that you are watching a film.

With all of the computerized bullshit humming about, making faces with REALISTIC PORE AND TEAR DUCT RENDERING, I was more enamored by the real things: like the red tattoos of the people of Helium, Deja's ass, and Mark Strong's bluetooth headset.

This should have either gone whole-hog into computer land or left a bit of grim and grit in it from REAL SETS, PROSTHETICS, and ANIMATRONICS. I don't care if it had cost them even more money, it might have made for something more interesting to look at than a bunch of pixelated dragonflies exploding and killing all of those poor digital people. (WHO WILL RENDER THE MOURNERS AT THEIR FUNERALS!?)

No amount of processing power could make it interesting or will a believable performance out of Taylor Kitsch. He was full on Crystal Skull'ing it.

And another thing:

"Captain John Carter, Virgina."

"John Carter!"

"My name is John Carter."

John Carter John Carter John Carter HERPADERPADERPDERPDERP

Should have stuck with the regular name. The title of the movie was said eight billion fucking times. Whoever thought that was a good idea, regardless of the Mars Needs Moms thing (Who the fuck remembers that anyway? It sucked, people are fickle with the recall of goldfish.) should have their shit pushed in by a fuckbot.

Giacchino's score deserved a better film.

[Captain Russ]

Was that her name in that? It's neen at least 20 years since my last viewing.

I just know it was the same actress in Austin Powers.

Enhanced.

[Timothy225]

SUMMER SCHOOL was a good one. That hot European chic that joins the class......oh yes.

I know her by another name.

Alotta.

Alotta Fagina.

AKA Fabiana Udenio:






Y'know, 'cause I love you guys, an' stuff.

[BillyG]

Summer School is one of my all time favorites. I wanted to be Chainsaw

[Bobby Bear]

He did get his own Ski School.

Note to self: watch Ski School.

Wow, Summer School takes me back. Back to a time when I thought Mark Harmon was cool.

If they were to remake this little gem, they'd probably get Joel McHale to play Mr. Shoop, wouldn't they?

[PHEDG]

Might as well finish the job and recast the whole movie.

What about hot Kirstie Alley and surfer girl Courtney Thorne-Smith? Prego Rhonda and chicana Denise?

[Timothy225]

Mmmmmmmmmm... Courtney-Thorne Smith...



Almost forgot she was in the flick. She was also in Revenge of the Nerds 2 and Melrose Place, one of the main reasons I used to watch that show.