What Emmanuelle Movie Did You Just Watch?

[Captain Russ]

Jack Ketchum's The Girl Next Door.

Bad. Terrible. Awful. Dumb. Contrary to anything interesting or engaging.

Not to take away from the fact that it is a sensationalized take on a true crime, holy hell is the matriarch a ridiculous caricature.

The most disturbing thing about it all is how at a certain point (the introduction to the basement setting), little of what the cast of characters (who have been established before now as being relatively normal) do makes any fucking sense.

An exercise in first year screenwriting idiocy.

William Atherton deserves better.

[Abraham Smashington]

I blame the fact he has no dick.

[Captain Russ]

THEY CAUSED AN EXPLOSION

[BillyG]

Wow, did the Oscars ever fuck it up on 50/50. If I was the type to make best of lists there's no chance it wouldn't be all up on that shit.

[Abraham Smashington]

Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie.

Gotdamn. Ceej and I just watched this flick. It was something. I think I kind of loved it.

Robert Loggia is a goddamn pimp.

[Abraham Smashington]

Also, SHRIM. OH MY GAWD THE SHRIM.

[Captain Russ]

Last night I bared witness to

The Three MusketeeeEEEEEEEERSBOOMEXPLOSIONSTEAMPUNKBOOMKAPOW SNIKTBUBSNIKTSNIKTBAMFSKEETSKEET Edition.


What in the hell was that? How was it financed? Or more importantly, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

It was the dumbest movie I've seen since Michael Bay stepped on the scene to dumb it down. Paul DUB-STEP S. Anderson took the DUMB ACTION TROPE Playbook, threw it's spooge-smeared, wadded up pages at the wall, and this was the result.

There's even a hallway laser evasion scene but with STRING! It's amazing. So amazingly dumb, there were times where I had to avert my gaze and collect myself, whispering the mantra "Yeah, that just happened," over and over.

I'm not even going to try to describe it, as the plot is so convoluted and idiotic it doesn't even make an iota of sense. Fuck. My head still hurts.

[PHEDG]

You mean not even Milla's acting could save it??

[Ben Thomas]

Sounds awesome.

[Captain Russ]

You mean not even Milla's acting could save it??

No amount of tucking keys into her giantnipplecleavage nor innuendo-stricken dialogue could do it. In some warped way I respect it for lacking any and all pretense to the contrary.

[Anderson]

Also, SHRIM. OH MY GAWD THE SHRIM.

Watched it and all I have to say is that Robert Loggia is way too good for that shit.

[Abraham Smashington]

No, he really isn't. Dude should be dead by now. He rocked it in this. Him on the mounted machine gun was lulzworthy.

[Abraham Smashington]

Also, the Johnny Depp stuff was fucking great. We were wayyyyy too gone to realize what was going on until they explained it.

[Ben Thomas]

Lord of the Rings - Extended editions, on blu.

There have never been films quite like these and, thanks to the circumstances under which they were made, the time they were released and the source material, there likely never will be again. This is the reason The Hobbit doesn't feel so exciting - as good as it is likely to be, the filmic landscape has changed in the past decade, largely due to these films and the likelihood of recapturing that magic is very slight.

These are reference quality discs, as well. Easily in the top ten best looking and sounding titles I own.

[BillyG]

I still haven't cracked those open. Brittany and I need to both clear our calendars and have a day of LOTR and nothing but.