What Emmanuelle Movie Did You Just Watch?

[Ben Thomas]

It says a lot that that sequence got all the hype and has little to no bearing on the actual PLOT of the film. Not when Neeson can just, you know, cheat.

[Martin]

The whole movie is a mish-mash of sequences.

[Matt]

It says a lot that that sequence got all the hype and has little to no bearing on the actual PLOT of the film. Not when Neeson can just, you know, cheat.

If you edited out all of the shit that wasn't essential to the plot, you'd have a forty minute film.

[BillyG]

If you edited out all of the shit that wasn't essential to the plot, you'd have a forty minute film.

Now we're talking.

[Abraham Smashington]

Pick one.

It's a truncated, garbled mess. A litany of concepts that don't even attempt to tell a cohesive story or construct a single character worth caring about. Ambition it has, for what, who the fuck knows?

And before the OIDF (OIrish Defense Force) comes in with guns blazing, if you enjoy it for the attempt at animated surrealism, fine. I can't stand it, frankly. Or the mongoloid children it helped to spawn.

Pretty much this. If Akira gets a free pass than so should Brotherhood.

[BillyG]

Pretty much this. If Akira gets a free pass than so should Brotherhood.

Brotherhood has Mark Dacascos. It needs no pass.

[Abraham Smashington]

BOBBY SHALL NOT PASS

[Martin]

Hey Bobby, like Rob said,

[Bobby Bear]

Hahaha, that was class!

But all joking aside, Akira and Brotherhood aren't even in the same league. I'm not even sure they're playing the same game. The former has a depth Brotherhood seems scarcely aware of, much less interested in achieving; the very fact that Akira has been known to feature in Best Of lists - and not just Best Anime lists - says a lot, I think.

Brotherhood is like an awful attempt at a portmanteau movie that forgot to mention that's what it was. Even one of its defenders, the honourable Matt, whom I appear to be trading roles with on this one, offers it scant praise (advising someone to watch a film with Van Halen substituting its dialogue is hardly a ringing endorsement.)

If people found the blend of stories in Super 8 uneven, I'm surprised Brotherhood gets anything approaching love. For all the foibles with J.J.'s movie, there was the charm and/or heart to balance it out. Take away Monica Belluci and some tired action scenes and I'm not sure what people would have to defend Brotherhood, honestly.

It doesn't bother me. A variety of opinions is wonderful in discussions like this. I'm just fascinated something so bland can command such high regard.

I liked Akira when I was 14. Just like I liked Andrew Dice Clay.

Then I grew up. Every attempt to rewatch it ended in failure.

The first time I saw Akira I was 19. I never got to enjoy those years of ignorance.

You see, I think this is a common misconception. I, too, went through most of my teenage years thinking Akira was a pretty juvenile, disappointing attempt at something potentially epic. It was only when I left it for about 7 or 8 years and came back to it the other side of 20, with no expectations to speak of, that I came to appreciate it for what it is: an admittedly flawed but remarkable multi-layered story packed with more issues than you tend to find in half a dozen mainstream Hollywood snooze-fests.*

*Oirish Defense Force in residence.

It's a truncated, garbled mess. A litany of concepts that don't even attempt to tell a cohesive story or construct a single character worth caring about.

And before the OIDF (OIrish Defense Force) comes in with guns blazing, if you enjoy it for the attempt at animated surrealism, fine. I can't stand it, frankly. Or the mongoloid children it helped to spawn.

Good sir, you have shown me the ways of Black Dynamite and I intend to return the favour with a gift from The East. Watch it again. Put this conversation to one side and go in with an open mind. I'm telling you, with respect, that your issues with its story are stretching it. The thing that struck me most upon revisiting it was how cohesive much of it is, because, like yourself, I remembered it to be a deliberately obtuse mess.

It's essentially two snowballs on a collision course - one a somewhat intimate tale concerning the bikers, the other something much grander, indeed. When they start colliding, it is marvelous. My enjoyment of the film doesn't really have anything to do with it being an occasionally surreal anime. It's all about the characters, their world (brought beautifully to life), and what I find to be a fascinating take on extraordinary powers free from any tawdry superhero tropes.

Akira's 2 touching dramatic moments:

"TETSSSSSSUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

"KENEDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

There's half the movie's dialogue right there.

I did have a chuckle to myself thinking how Megan Fox wouldn't be out of place with her "SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMM!!!!"s in it. Nonetheless, that's doing it a massive disservice to say it's all screaming. This is no animated Goonies, my friends. I think I might have to assign a few more of you some viewing homework...

Oh...

Thor is great, by the way. I finally watched it. Selected musings:

• Looked gorgeous on Blu.
• Haven't enjoyed Hopkins that much in ages. He was fantastic.
• So was Loki. Probably the most interesting mainstream "villain" I've seen in ages. Really wonderful work from Hiddleston.
• Kat Dennings awughghggori9gfbgfzbn (*descends into Homer style drool noises.*)
• Great chemistry between Padme and Buffman.
• Lush design and SFX.
• Fun tone which didn't compromise on weightier moments.
• I had no idea it was Rene Russo until the credits.

[Matt]

Rene Russo was smoking fucking hot in THOR. I've always liked lusted fapped over her, though.

[Abraham Smashington]

Akira the movie = Beautiful but hollow

Akira the manga = beautiful but not as hollow

Super 8 compared to Brotherhood = WAT?

[Captain Russ]

Matt.

Your phone is killing me inside.

Matt.

[Matt]

Deal with it.

[Bobby Bear]

She no longer looks like "Rene Russo," and I'm not talking about the effects of aging. Part of me still doesn't accept that's who played Thor's Mum.

Akira the movie = Beautiful but hollow

Akira the manga = beautiful but not as hollow

Super 8 compared to Brotherhood = WAT?

All I'm saying is Super 8 is widely accepted to be the most obvious "2 stories meshed together" movie in recent years. Brotherhood is no less jarring a merger, yet it enjoys probably even more impassioned defences than J.J.'s love letter to Spielbergo. In the case of Super 8, there was some honest-to-goodness magic in the kids' story. However, in none of the 17 half-notions in Brotherhood, was there anything close to that level of sophistication. So why let a film with so little to offer slide when there are more successful, artful, and ambitious films to champion? They even have better action which, Belluci aside, seems to be the main thing people like about it.

I mean, Alien started off as 2 stories and you'd never know it to watch the film. It feels fluid and seamless because of the care and love put into the thing, not to mention the skill. Brotherhood would be impressive if it were the high school project writ large it feels like, not an actual film made by adults.

I've not read the manga, but the movie Akira has a lot more going for it emotionally than people give it credit for. If you can get past the sometimes dodgy dialogue and some iffy stereotypical stuff, there's plenty of meat on its bones. It is far from hollow. A certain robot monstrosity is hollow. Next to that, Akira feels like bloomin' Annie Hall or something.

[Captain Russ]

The fights are awesome in Bonerhood of the Dogpeople.

Especially the final one. Over the top and endearingly dumb.

BROSCENARIO!

Bro-hood Propmaster Bro, Earl McBro: "WHAT IF THE SWORD IS MADE OUTTA BONE!?"

Bro-hood Director Bro, Christophe Bro: "NICE ONE BRO. BUT HEY, HOW ABOUT WE MAKE IT A SEGMENTED BONE SWORD WITH CHAINS? GHOSTRIDER: THE SWORD!"

Bro-hood Propmaster Bro, Earl McBro: "FUCK YEAH, BRO. I LOVE YOU BRO."

*high five*

*chug beers*

*thirty-minute fist pump*

-end scene-


I think you're being uncharacteristically harsh on the Bros, Bobby.