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Things that will make any movie better

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  • #91
    149. Apparently the line "You're so cool Brewster"
    "Fuck Rob. Also, he has a podcast called Podcaust. Edgy Holocaust humor lulz indeed." - The Faraci

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    • #92
      150. Psychotic Danny Devito
      Me quick one want slow

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      • #93
        151. Uma Thurman's head in a box.

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        • #94
          152. Uma Thurman's box on your head.
          "Fuck Rob. Also, he has a podcast called Podcaust. Edgy Holocaust humor lulz indeed." - The Faraci

          Comment


          • #95
            Originally posted by B_Metal View Post
            152. Uma Thurman's box on your head.
            Mmph! Mmph mmph mmmph, mmmph, ma-mmmph, mmph!

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            • #96
              Sorry...that shoulda been Gwyneth Paltrow's head in a box. As in Se7en. I've always felt every movie would be improved if it included Gwyneth Paltrow's head in a box. Best part of Contagion was her kicking it ten minutes in.

              I blame my previous cockup on working too many days in a row and that extra couple of beers....and no sammiches in over a week.

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              • #97
                That and you were thinking about going neck deep in Uma's box.
                "Fuck Rob. Also, he has a podcast called Podcaust. Edgy Holocaust humor lulz indeed." - The Faraci

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                • #98
                  The things I'd do in that box

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                  • #99
                    Wiggle your big toe, teledork.
                    Originally posted by Martin
                    Who the fuck is Kellan Lutz?
                    Originally posted by gravedigger
                    Basically what I'm saying is that, based on what I've watched so far, we should all listen to Matt more often.
                    Originally posted by Martin
                    And who the FUCK is Peaches Geldof?
                    Kellan Lutz's girlfriend?

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                    • nomnomnom

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                      • 153. A setting in a cyberpunk world that is dirty, patched together, and in no way clean.
                        "Looking like Nic Cage dressed in Kurt Cobain's closet. I mean that as a compliment" - BillyG

                        "Too cunty for wine bars, too dainty for real bars." - Anderson

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                        • 154. Dabney Coleman
                          Touch it. Touch my fuzziness! It's like petting a kitten!
                          Now drop the pants and take the bacon!
                          POUTINE AND CELINE DION FOR EVERYONE!!!!

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                          • 155. Sexy Sax Man.
                            Originally posted by Martin
                            Who the fuck is Kellan Lutz?
                            Originally posted by gravedigger
                            Basically what I'm saying is that, based on what I've watched so far, we should all listen to Matt more often.
                            Originally posted by Martin
                            And who the FUCK is Peaches Geldof?
                            Kellan Lutz's girlfriend?

                            Comment


                            • 156. Vuvuzela soundtrack.
                              Me quick one want slow

                              Comment


                              • EVERYTHING COMPILED SO FAR:

                                1. Jeff Fahey
                                2. robots
                                3. car chases
                                4: Tits
                                5: Any scene depicting oral sex.
                                6: A banquet that ends up in a killing spree.
                                7. Michael Ironside
                                8. Massive explosions
                                9. Excessive gore
                                10. Gary Cole
                                11. A synth score
                                12. Well executed pop-culture references
                                13. Lens flare
                                14. CGI
                                15. Aerosmith power ballad
                                16: Guns
                                17: More guns
                                18: Ray Stevenson using all those guns.
                                19. Tom Arnold
                                20. inappropriate comedy involving old people/dwarves/mentally retarded people
                                21. Exploding barrels
                                22. An asshole police captain
                                23. Alan Rickman
                                24. Drinking from a flask
                                25: a warp core breach
                                26: a barfight with Patrick Swayze
                                27: a barfight with Don Swayze
                                28. Tom Arnold coked up
                                29. Christopher Walken
                                30. matte paintings
                                31. Gene Hackman
                                32. Robert Duvall
                                33. 1970's Hoffman/De Niro/Pacino
                                34: 1960's Michael Caine
                                35: 1990's Anthony Hopkins
                                36: Any era Richard Harris
                                37. A heist
                                38. Computers with big flashy buttons and lights
                                39. A poster done by Drew Struzen
                                40. A soundtrack by John Williams
                                41. Michael Wincott
                                42. Clancy Brown
                                43. Bruce Campbell
                                44. A simple misunderstanding that blows up into an international threat
                                45. Physical SFX - Stan Winston style
                                46. Brian Dennehy.
                                47. Excessive yet appropriate for the scene swearing
                                48. Danny Trejo
                                49. Sam Elliot
                                50. A female character that can more than hold her own in a man's world
                                51. aliens
                                52. an animated credit sequence
                                53. Bruce Lee
                                54. Glorious amounts of kung fu action
                                55. Ninjas. Lots and lots of ninjas.
                                56. A Sergio Leone score.
                                57. Godzilla or a Godzilla-sized monster laying waste to a city
                                58. Pool party with lots of scantily clad folks
                                59. Rowdy Roddy Piper
                                60. broken bones
                                61. dismemberments
                                62. rotoscoping
                                63. Vernon Wells
                                64. Vampires. Near Dark, Bela Lugosi or Christopher Lee types, not those Twilight sissymarys.
                                65. Alien invasions
                                66. A faithful dog helping to save the day
                                67. Kat Dennings
                                68. A speech by Bill Pullman
                                69. The ghost of Charles Nelson Reilly as the voice of reason.
                                70. That pivotal sequence when Kat Dennings decides to clean off a nude Amy Adams. With her tongue.
                                71. A knife fight
                                72. A profusely sweating and swearing James Tolkan.
                                73. Epic thumb-war over an exploding volcano.
                                74. Talking sandwich.
                                75. Mushroom clouds.
                                76. Set in the future.
                                77. Set in an alternate reality
                                78. Set in space.
                                79. Alec Baldwin's hypnotic chest-hair.
                                80. Drunk Yoda in heat.
                                81. Buddies that are cops or cops that are buddies, either/or.
                                82. Lo Mang (The Toad) in a supporting role, probably getting killed off in the second act.
                                83. Gordon Liu in an extended training sequence.
                                84. Bad dubbing.
                                85. James Hong
                                86. An unstoppable killing machine leaving carnage and mayhem in it's wake.
                                87. The Creature from the Black Lagoon. He's over due for a comeback.
                                88. Our own Jake, caught in the middle of a firefight, screaming "What the FUCK is going on here?"
                                89. Brion James
                                90. Training montage, preferably one featuring keyboard action in the music.
                                91. Ioan Grufford and Sam Worthington have a face-to-face wooden acting-off.
                                92. Cole Hauser, a .45, and a six pack
                                93. Barbarian hordes laying waste to a city
                                94. Bridget Fonda - she's been gone too long
                                95. Pack of werewolves
                                96. Jane Fonda beaten senselessly with meat-sticks by 'Nam vets.
                                97. John Glover as Lucifer
                                98. Nondescript title cards (the vaguer the better!)
                                99. Kyle Chandler as Adam West as...BATMAN!
                                100. Don Cheadle
                                101. Mechanized exoskeletons.
                                102. Dogfight banter (the more call-signs and technobabble the better.)
                                103. gratuitous topless women having pillow fights
                                104. Elric of Melnibone.
                                105. Powers Boothe
                                106. An homage to Russ Meyer (similar to B_Metal's point #103, above. For two hours at least).
                                107. THOUSANDS OF SQUIBS.
                                108. THOUSANDS OF SQUIDS!
                                109. Jeffrey Wright
                                110. Billy Campbell as The Rocketeer
                                111. Billy Campbell the murderous politician that makes no goddamn sense
                                112. William Riker
                                113. parkour
                                114. Michael Fuckin' Keaton
                                115. The destruction of parkour thugs, preferably via explosion.
                                116. Vale...Vicki Vale...Vi-vi-vi-Vicki Vale.
                                117. A script by Quentin Tarantino
                                118. "Directed by Stuart Gordon."
                                119. Body horror.
                                120. Gene "heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee's electric" Hackman.
                                121. Blaring klaxons.
                                122. Darkened corridors.
                                123. A scene where the heroes take a moment to reflect prior to battle.
                                124. Dirty scummy herpes sidewalk infested 1970s New York
                                125. Main character fighting guys one on one while 38 of their closest crime buddies wait their turn to battle.
                                126. The Rick Baker transformation scene where Wilford Brimley turns into Cookie Monster after one too many cookies...
                                127. A terrific "just before shit gets real" speech. Think Braveheart, Return of the King, Henry V, 300, etc.
                                128. "Samuel L. Bronkowitz presents"
                                129. Gene Hackman.
                                130. A scene where someone marks the locations of important events on a huge map, pauses for a moment, then connects the dots to find they form either an arrow or ominous shape of some kind (subsequent awestruck pause and panic laden phone call optional.)
                                131. THE PORTMAN's smile (the only decent parts of the prequels)
                                132. Apparently WillSmiff
                                133. Superimposed Map Sequence. You know it when you see it. Grand and sweeping music thunders as the lines move across the globe, either establishing the relocation of the central badass (or team of badasses) to a new locale, or signaling the catastrophic spread of the central threat.
                                Examples include: Indiana Fucking Jones, The Rockafuckingteer
                                134. A fight scene done in a wide shot in one take
                                135. Surf music
                                136. "Tequila" by The Champs.
                                137. A slo-motion sex scene in zero-gravity
                                138. A slo-motion sex scene in zero-gravity which culminates in a John Woo style gunfight...
                                139. Not being Willy Wonka
                                140. Carl Winslow. Pimp.
                                141. John Landis cameo.
                                142. George C. Scott getting hit by a football in the groin.
                                143. Stephen Colbert as Oliver Stone.
                                144. Ted Raimi cameo.
                                145. Wailing sax
                                146. Epic sideburns
                                147. Lead character moment where he realizes he's too old for this shit/all he's given up/his doom awaits just up ahead
                                148. Natasha Henstridge boobs
                                149. Apparently the line "You're so cool Brewster"
                                150. Psychotic Danny Devito
                                151. Gwyneth Paltrow's head in a box.
                                152. Gwyneth Paltrow's box on your head
                                153. A setting in a cyberpunk world that is dirty, patched together, and in no way clean.
                                154. Dabney Coleman
                                155. Sexy Sax Man.
                                156. Vuvuzela soundtrack.














                                "Looking like Nic Cage dressed in Kurt Cobain's closet. I mean that as a compliment" - BillyG

                                "Too cunty for wine bars, too dainty for real bars." - Anderson

                                Comment

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